The Invisible Irrelevant in the Living Room

Rand Lee is a freelance writer and psychic consultant based in Santa Fe, New Mexico..

Ever since Donald Trump was installed as President of the United States, I’ve had a hard time sitting down at the computer and trance-writing “Life On the Borderlands”. To be frank, given the enormity of the injustices being perpetrated in this country and around the world, I’ve come to feel that this blog is pretty irrelevant.

It’s not that “The Family” and I haven’t been able to help anybody. A fair number of you have told me you’ve felt inspired, consoled, and expanded by some of the words that have appeared here. It’s just that I feel the forces of darkness pushing, pushing, pushing to remake the USA into Putin’s Russia, and it’s difficult for me to believe that anything “The Family” and I say can make the slightest contribution toward staving off the final outcome.

mercyNo sooner do I voice this on my computer screen, than from deep within me a contrary set of memes wells up, challenging my pessimism. I am reminded of the I Ching ideogram often called in English “The Healing Power of the Small”: if this blog helps even one person, isn’t it worth doing? And I receive the gentle suggestion that perhaps part of my discouragement is rooted in noble hopes for the salvation of the world but in the fact that I feel, after years of striving, I have not “made something of myself”—i.e., earned enough money, fame, recognition, weight loss, and status in the “real” world to win the respect of my (mostly long dead) childhood critics and detractors.

In the late fall of 2013, I was leading a group heart chakra meditation when I dropped into a spontaneous and entirely unexpected experience of complete and utter safety. It was like waking from a rather troublesome dream, and realizing with a start of relief that what I had thought was real life—a world of force, threat, blame, and shame—was not the ultimate reality at all. The ultimate reality was that deep down in the core of myself I am, and always will be, safe. And the Love that pervades deep reality needs no praise, no worship, no gratitude, nothing at all, for It is complete in Itself, and therefore free to love without question everything in me and my reality that I call “good,” and everything in me and my reality that I call “bad.”

I wish to stress that this vision felt, when I was in it, entirely ordinary, entirely undramatic, and entirely familiar. But coming out of it, I realized that for the first time in my life I felt truly, deeply fed. And in the days that followed, my ambitions, jealousies, and pessimism were lifted from me, because I had everything I would ever need. Did this sense of completeness last? No. In time it faded, crowded out by my body’s cravings for food, touch, and safety. But the memory of it lingers, and when I share that memory with you, I feel hopeful again.

The healing power of the small. Take heart, my friends. The best is yet to come. •

To book a psychic reading or training session with Rand, contact him at chrononaut61@gmail.com.

 

 

Why Do We Suffer?

eyeless_girlVarious explanations have been offered down through the ages to explain the suffering experienced by so many in physical reality. In some traditions, there are good gods and evil gods, constantly vying for supremacy over their Creation. In Fundamentalist Christian tradition, it’s humans’ fault that pain and hardship exists in the world, which was cursed because of Adam and Eve’s disobedience at the dawn of time; catastrophe is frequently seen in this tradition as God’s punishment for unrepentant human sin. In traditions where reincarnation is espoused, pain and suffering is often explained as the logical outcome of misdeeds done by the sufferer in past lives.

In atheist materialist tradition, physical reality is a mindless mechanism unaware of and unconcerned with the suffering of its creatures. Stephen Fry, noted British actor, writer, and outspoken atheist, recently said in an interview that in light of all the horrors that exist in this world (such as certain insects that can burrow into childrens’ eyes), a compassionate loving God could not possibly exist. The argument is simple and compelling: as God, the deity is presumably omnipotent and omnipresent; as a loving God, the deity is presumably concerned with the suffering of others. Logically, then, if God created insects that burrow into children’s eyes, God is either not loving, or It does not exist.

The visions I experienced in the fall of 2013 showed me unmistakably that a multiversal Consciousness (which many call “God”) does exist, and that Its nature is love and light. These visionary experiences I have since learned resemble those of many religious and non-religious individuals down through history and across all cultures. The symbols vary from person to person and culture to culture, but the gist is the same: that we are each of us known, accepted, and supported by a universal consciousness that is personal without being individual, and that is utterly familiar without being comprehensible. [For a compelling examination of mystical experience from the viewpoint of a nonmaterialist neuroscientist, see The Spiritual Brain by Mario Beauregard and Denyse O’Leary (New York: HarperOne, ISBN 978-0-06-162598-5, paperback $14.99), available through Amazon.com.]

My visions have given me hope that ultimately, whatever happens to my body, the core of me is eternally loved and safe. But my visions did not give me any theology with which to understand why life in physical reality involves so much suffering, or why “God” appears to do nothing about this.

The Kinds of Suffering

Not all my suffering arises from the same vectors or conditions. I’ve broken down the stuff that causes me the most pain into several categories, organized according to the forces and actions involved in the suffering I experience.

Suffering That Results Partially or Primarily from the Actions of Natural Forces: My severe juniper pollen allergy, worse this winter than ever before in living memory; my genetic predispositions towards osteoarthritis, depression, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes; the aches and pains that come from the natural aging of my body; my spinal damage due to a mild case of polio as a child in the Fifties; the physical distances between things and people; the deaths of loved ones from AIDS, alcoholism, and heart attack.

Suffering That Results Partially or Primarily from the Actions of Others: My ongoing PTSD, the result of my upbringing in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic pedophile mother, an angry chronically depressed father, and a sadistic, mentally ill older brother; the economic and sociopolitical forces operative nationally and in New Mexico that make access to employment and medical care difficult for low-income people like me; my struggle for self-acceptance as a gay man in a homophobic culture; Santa Fe’s socioeconomic stratification; the high cost of education; the suicide of my lover Stuart.

Suffering That Results Partially or Primarily from My Own Actions or Inactions: My years of resistance to acknowledging, and seeking help for, my incest background and eating disorder; my poverty, which partially results from my having made unwise education choices as a young man; my loneliness, the result of self-imposed social isolation; my perfectionism; my attempts at controlling a physical reality that is naturally in a constant state of change; my lifelong tendency to resist exercise;  my lifelong practice of eating foods that harm me; the harms I have done to others; the depression that comes from my insistence upon listening to radio news and reading newspaper accounts of the world’s pain; my resistance to acknowledging the good things in my life because I’m so pissed off by the bad things; my resistance to asking for help from God and others.

I recognize that I have not experienced horrors and brutalities that so many of the world’s peoples experience on a daily basis. Nonetheless, suffering is suffering. What kind of help can I expect the “God” of my visions to give me in dealing with the sufferings of everyday life? To what extent can the “God” of my visions directly affect or mitigate the hardships spacetime affords me? And how can I best access this help? We’ll look at this issue in the next blog.

Next: Accessing Divine Help In Spacetime.

 

 

 

 

 

Surprised By Joy

It’s 12:36 in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day, and I’m sitting at my desktop computer typing this because it’s been too long since I’ve worked on this blog and my restless legs syndrome is keeping me awake. In the room here with me, watching a video on his laptop computer, is John, my new friend and lover.

It has been so long since I had been able to open my heart to any kind of intimacy that when I met John it was like a bolt from the blue. Only a week before we met, I told an acquaintance quite seriously that I knew for a fact that I would never have a partner again in this life. I was too screwed up, too fat, too old, and too arthritic for any gay man to find me attractive. Tonight, here is John, broad shouldered and hairy with a child’s huge eyes and the beard of a conquistador, smart, funny, sweet John, who finds me beautiful and makes my skin sing when he touches me.

beautiful_coupleSome spiritual experiences not too long ago gave me visions of divine Love and made me realize that only this eternal Love is enough to fill the holes in my heart, the holes I have been attempting to fill for years with food, religion, overwork, and counseling. So I decided to make seeking connection with this Love my focus from now on. I asked my Greater Self to open my heart fully to all the love available, and now here is John, astonishingly, improbably, fond of me and I of him.

Of course I know nothing lasts forever in physical reality. Forms change, constantly and inevitably. But divine Love does not. No matter whom you have loved and lost, no matter how empty your heart feels due to past pain and loss, no matter how many loved ones have been swept from your embrace by time or illness or disaffection or death, divine Love will always be there, ready to fill the open heart again. Openheartedness is not for sissies. It can hurt a lot. But it also makes joy possible. Ask for it. Call it up from within you. Take the risk. For no matter what happens, ultimately you and I and everyone is safe.

The ex-wife of a friend of mine came up with this variation on a familiar nursery song. I often imagine my Greater Self, my divine Lover, singing it to me when I am scared and sad:

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock;

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,

And I’ll be there to catch you, cradle and all.

— Copyright 2014 Rand B. Lee.

Affirmations

free_at_last

You are safe.

You are worth loving.

You are moving towards greater and greater security and prosperity.

You deserve love and peace and plenty.

Your Higher Power will never forsake you, including after death.

You have the right to say NO to those who ask you for help, love, or attention.

The healthier you get, the stronger and safer you will be.

You will see your loved ones again some day.

You can comfort yourself.

You are safe.