Fear of sleep is fear of death.
Although he was not conscious of this, [Mister Rand’s] childhood fear of the night, like his fear of sleep many years later, derived in great part from his fear of death as a state in which one must release everything about the self that is known. Death is also a state that is utterly uncontrollable: unstoppable when it appears; and from which, all fleeings in the end prove powerless.
Of course, that state of inevitable uncontrollability may be said also to apply to waking life as well. The Fool in the Tarot deck is one expression of this concept; so is the card often labeled The Devil, which Mister Rand, in his Tarot mythology, labels as Pan.
To Mister Rand, Pan, whose name means “everything” in ancient Greek, is the symbol of uncontrollable physical laws and events, whether the cravings of the human body, which can often overwhelm him; the expression of fatherline DNA that has given his beloved sister Kit a neural disorder that makes it difficult for her to raise her head above her chest; the terrible hurricanes that devastated Puerto Rico; or the devastating effects of ozone buildup in the upper Earth’s atmosphere.
What Mister Rand often overlooks is that Pan—uncontrollable physicalities—can also apply to the wondrous, nourishing aspects of life on Earth as well: the first greening of trees and shrubs in earliest Spring; the onset of menses, which in ancient times and cultures was often celebrated as an awakening of female power; the abundance of fruits and vegetables and herbs that one can coax from the ground if one is acquainted with the physical laws of humus generation…
Then there is the [Tarot] card called Death itself. Mister Rand, for all his many years of work in the metaphysical, often fears that the atheist materialists are correct in their assumption that the universe is an accidental mechanism and consciousness an illusory experience generated by brain cells. Mister Rand hastens to urge us to state that “some of my best friends are atheist materialists” and that being an atheist materialist is not a sign of moral turpitude or spiritual malice.
Stephen Levine, a famous author now deceased, once wrote that in his experience sitting with dying people, it appeared to him that the ones most afraid of dying were the ones who had been most afraid of living.
And we thank you for sharing.
— channeled May 11, 2019, Santa Fe, New Mexico