On Seeking Safe Haven

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I’ve spent most of my sixty-five years of life looking for a person, doctrine,  or organization that I could build my life around. I started out looking to my parents to fulfill this role. I found early on that I could depend upon my father to provide us with shelter, clothing, food, and the luxuries of upper middle class Anglo life, but that he was largely unavailable emotionally and could not protect me from my abusive older brother. My mother I found I could depend upon to provide me with delicious meals, delightful books, affection, and consolation, except when her alcoholism and borderline personality disorder symptoms turned her manipulative, vindictive, and sexually abusive.

For years I felt torn between the two of them, and my ambivalence took an odd turn.

Mother put pressure on me to choose her over my father, which—let’s be frank—it wasn’t hard to do, given his loud, gritted-teeth complaints, self-isolation, and demands for absolute obedience. But I liked the fact that he was a writer, and I think I sensed his self-loathing, and I identified with him more than I liked to admit at the time. Now in the bedroom they shared, my father slept on the left side of the bed, my mother on the right. So at night I felt torn. If I slept on the left side of my bed, would I be symbolically choosing my father over my mother? If I slept on the right side of my bed, would I be symbolically choosing my mother over my father? So I compromised: I taught myself to sleep flat on my back, a habit I tend to follow to this day.

Once I entered adolescence, I more or less gave up trying to find refuge in my parents’ world and I sought refuge in my private dream world of comic books, science fiction, fantasy, mythology, and chaste fantasies of joining Robin Hood’s band of Merry Men, or being adopted as innocent school mascot by my brother Anthony’s Air Force Academy classmates. When I became aware of my homosexuality, I began fantasizing about finding a Mister Right, the perfect man who, in exchange for my exclusive devotion and access to my body, would console, protect, and give shape and direction to the rest of my life.

The problem was that, owing to incest trauma, I felt sex was dirty—not just homosexuality, but all sex. I got this feeling from my mother. So I decided that I did not want to be sexual at all. After my father’s sudden death in early 1971, I sought out the sexuality-free surrogate family I’d always fantasized about: I became a celibate Fundamentalist Christian for seven years.

The people with whom I worshiped were good people, genuinely trying to live by Jesus’s teachings of love and forgiveness. Although my self-betrayal ate away at me, the love and acceptance they showed me had a healing effect on me. They gave me a refuge from the storm of my life. But in the end I left the church, and Fundamentalism, in large part because I felt I had been putting on an act. Though I was indeed celibate for most of the seven years I was with them, I now know the difference between celibacy, born of lifestyle conviction, and sexual anorexia born of abuse trauma. And I was not the only one who left. Several years ago I discovered that the pastor of the last church I attended had been gay, and had committed suicide because he had not been able to reconcile his faith with his physicality.

All this took place many decades ago. Today, at 65 years old, five feet seven inches tall, and 290 pounds, I am far from healed; I like to joke that I have more issues than National Geographic. But I have a renewed faith in Divine Love, from Whose womb I was born and to Whose womb I shall return, and for Whom my homosexuality is a natural species variation, not a monstrosity or a curse worthy of damnation. And I have been fortunate in meeting numerous fellow travelers, straight, gay, in between, and undecided, whose kindness has consistently reached out to me in dark times.

So if you are tempted to give up who you are to get love, don’t give in to that temptation. Start asking for help, and keep on asking until you start getting it. It can and does get better, but only if you refuse to let your abusers win. •

A Love Letter To Alex, On the Anniversary of His Suicide

Dear  Alex,

Today, January 27th, is the anniversary of the day I found you dead on your bed in 1988. My elderly cat has been sick, and though I love him dearly and will miss him terribly when it is his time to pass, my weeping was so intense today, and my feelings of guilt and shame so pronounced, that I knew what I was feeling had to be about earlier losses, too. Hence this letter.

It’s not the only letter I’ve written to you, by any means; for years I struggled with the persistent notion that I could have saved you from your suicide; that somehow you had killed yourself because I had failed as a partner and lover. Now, so many years, therapies, 12 Step programs, and heart-openings later, I know that your story was not my story. Had I opened the door that night at 10pm when I returned from work to find the light on under your door, I might have delayed your death, for the coroner told me you had died around midnight that night. But in the end, if death is what you wished for (and your ex-wife told me over the phone you had attempted it before, during your marriage to her), you would have found a way to hasten it. After all, a month before you died you warned me what was going to happen.

We were in the car going somewhere, you driving, me in the front passenger seat. You said, “I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed we were in a hospital room. I was lying in bed in a coma, and you were sitting on the chair next to the bed. And I knew that you were all right with my condition, because I’d told you many times that the place where I go when I do deep trance is so beautiful that some day I may not want to come back.” Maybe it was that dream (if it was a dream and not your way of hinting what was to come) that prompted me on some level to realize our time together remaining would be curtailed, for it was in mid-January that I sprung on you that surprise birthday party, where all our friends gathered, and we played a game, and you had cake, and laughed, and said, “No one has ever had a birthday party for me before.” Less than two weeks later you were dead.

My inner child has always been terrified of death. Death, in fact, is my Life Theme, the greatest truth this incarnation of mine has been learning to accept, assimilate, and adapt to. Maybe that’s one reason I was attracted to metaphysics after my rationalist upbringing and my ensuing 7 years as a Fundamentalist Christian—I sought to find evidence that the body is not all of us; that physical death is not the death of something deeper and more core in us; and that somehow Tarot, trancework, channeling and so forth would console me in ways that conventional religion failed to do. And it has helped. After my little brother Jeff, you were the greatest spiritual inspiration in my life. Your deep-trance channelings, which I (suspiciously at first, then more and more credulously) helped you attain with my guided meditations, changed my life completely. My entire spiritual world view has evolved from the talks you gave in your spirit-persona of  “Alexandra”, and I’m not the only one you helped by any means.

I can still recall clearly the sense of peace and nurture that flowed through your Alexandra persona to me and everyone else who attended our meetings in Key West, Florida, Ireland, and later Santa Fe, New Mexico, where you died. And I can recall vividly that the morning I found you, the moment I put my hand on your doorknob at 10am to rouse you for a meeting with a client we had scheduled for 11, I knew you were dead. I opened the door, saw you on the bed, and felt you and Alexandra—not the same person, but two personas—”floating” near the ceiling, witnessing me. I’ve had spiritual experiences since then, several in which I caught a glimpse of that Heaven of Light and Sound which made you so blissful whenever you tranced. But the experience I had that morning was my Lightning-Struck Tower.

Thank you for all you gave me. Thank you for my sense of your continuing presence in my life. I have loved other men since I met you, but you remain uniquely precious.

P.S. Please watch over my cat, and help me release him to the arms of Love when it comes his time to rise. •

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Visions of Divine Love: An Audio Talk

Spent last Sunday morning giving a little talk at the Celebration, a spiritual congregation in Santa Fe. I told them about some spiritual experiences that I had last fall. Those of you who are interested in this sort of thing might enjoy giving my talk a listen. Of course, being a Pisces, I got choked up with emotion several times.

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A Message from “The Family”: On Faith and Doubt

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Mister Rand is frequently plagued with concerns that the truths he has clung to for consolation and support he will find, in a shattering moment of terror on his deathbed, to all have been founded upon falsehoods. He is not alone in this fear. Many individuals, when apprised of their forthcoming deaths, return to the religions of their childhoods; or, alternatively, trumpet their atheism, comforting themselves with the certainty that the death of the body is an extinguishment (rather than a damnation or rebirth, as others claim). Mister Rand has always wished to look Death in the eye when that angel finally comes for him, because Mister Rand has feared Death all his life. And so what do these matters tell us about faith and doubt?

Faith and doubt, as we see it, are tools selected unconsciously or consciously by the human soul in order to create certain experiences while in physical reality. For example, when he was a boy, Mister Rand unconsciously elected to side with his agnostic father regarding religion and the divine, because his mother, an alcoholic and pedophile, was a believing Christian according to her lights. Mister Rand wished his father to approve of him, and he wished to detach himself from his mother, particularly as he grew older and her anger towards males became more apparent in her attitudes and actions towards him. But once Mister Rand’s father died, Mister Rand’s need for a context in which to know himself and live his life led Mister Rand to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior on a beach in New Jersey, as a result of a young man preaching to him from a pamphlet called “The Four Spiritual Laws.”

Returning to the town where he was attending college, Mister Rand got involved with a church where he was welcomed by many, and this gave him a sense of having a family again. He cast himself fully into the practices and doctrines of the church group, even to the point of trying to convince family and friends of the truth of the Christianity he espoused. And yet part of him did not like the sacrifices Mister Rand felt he had to make in order to continue to be accepted by the Christians with whom he was involved; that is to say, his homosexuality, which, as he recovered slowly from the trauma associated with the death of his agnostic father, exerted more and more of a tug upon his bodymind. And so, when he had healed from the greater part of the death trauma around his father, and when Mister Rand had gained the inner strength to once more go out into the world on his own, he began to question some of the teachings of the group with which he was involved. Feeling his faith slipping away, in desperation he sought out an elder of the church and asked this man to mentor him; but the man was homophobic, having lost a wife to her coming out as a Lesbian; and only grudgingly told Mister Rand he would mentor him. And Mister Rand knew his days as a Christian were over.

So Mister Rand [again] embraced the agnosticism of his father. It was an effort to permit himself an expansion of his earthly experiences. Agnosticism, unlike atheism, does not claim certainty of the existence or nonexistence of God/dess; so to Mister Rand unconsciously agnosticism represented a freedom to explore matters of faith and reality and experience that he had not permitted himself before in his life thus far. This period of agnosticism came to an end when Mister Rand’s younger brother discovered the “Seth” channelings of the late Jane Roberts. There awakened in Mister Rand a curiosity to explore spiritual mysticism and the practices of divination known as the Tarot, for deep down he had continued to feel a yearning for certain guidance for his soul. He also wished to become looked up to by New Agers as a man of occult wisdom, for he felt like a failure whom no one could love or look up to, because he was not a famous writer like his father; had no life partner; and was not tall with big muscles, bravado, and/or tattoos like his older brother.

So Mister Rand became a Tarot reader, and found he had a talent for seeing connections when stimulated by querent questions and the images on the Tarot cards. And so his reputation as a Tarot reader spread slowly throughout the community where he lived with his mother and brother. Suddenly he met the man who for two years would become the most important figure in his life: Mister Alex, named Stuart Lucker. Together they became a psychic team, first in Key West, Florida, then in Santa Fe, New Mexico. And from Mister Alex’s channelings as “Alexandra” came several life systems that Mister Rand hungrily adopted, for they gave his life meaning without demanding that he hate his innermost nature, as Fundamentalist Christianity had done.

After Mister Alex’s death, Mister Rand continued to explore the Tarot, and later, trance work or “channeling” as well; and within his superconscious created the aggregate information source he calls “The Family,” a source within his Greater Self that enables him to see connections not easily perceptible to his conscious mind. This mindset he has more or less maintained ever since.

But Mister Rand has always been plagued by doubts that his New Age beliefs might be no truer than the Christian beliefs or agnosticism he had previously espoused. Part of the reason for this is that Mister Rand is incarnated as the Essence we call Judgment, in which dualism, and in particular dualistic thinking, is enthroned mightily: I believe/I believe not; I am man/I am woman; I am good/I am evil; God is Love in all parts of Godself/God is a consuming fire; reality has purpose, with Love at the core of it/reality has no purpose, and all physical reality’s denizens are merely accidental meat machines. Another reason for Mister Rand’s doubtings is that as he has grown in experience he has, deep within himself, sensed a truth larger even than the truths channeled by his lover Alex and later by himself; that is, truths of a different order entirely and beyond what “The Family” as he thinks of us can express and perceive. For we are a construct merely, a tool for the transmission of insight already held within Mister Rand’s Greater Self, and within the Greater Selves of Mister Rand’s clients who seek “The Family’s” advice. So, just as when he left agnosticism for Fundamentalism, Fundamentalism for agnosticism, and agnosticism for spiritualism, Mister Rand, unknown to himself, has a longing for experience that he does not feel his current form of belief can support or legitimize. And so part of him doubts the teachings of “Alexandra” that have sustained him for so long.

And so faith and doubt are tools, even more than they are expressions of psychological bent or orientation; tools which the Greater Self uses to assist Mister Rand in creating life experience for himself. What form Mister Rand’s new tools will take we cannot say, except that Love is at the core of it; for his recent visions of Love, utterly without doctrinal or theological system to accompany them, have exerted a major influence upon Mister Rand’s soul.

And so, if you struggle with doubt, ask yourself, “What experience has faith not given me that I may be needing to leave my former faith in order to enjoy?” And we thank you for sharing.

— May 10, 2014. Channeled by Rand B. Lee. All rights reserved.

To Blame

ImageTo Blame is the fourth least creative level of consciousness after To Control Absolutely, To Force, and To Threaten. As To Threaten focuses the soul’s attention on the future, thus inhibiting balanced creative action in the face of fear, so To Blame traps the soul in the past. Persons focused on the consciousness level of To Blame cannot stop hating, and therefore can never be free of those forces that have hurt them.

To Blame consciousness not only traps those focused within it, forcing them to relive over and over again the hurts of the past; it also erodes, slowly but surely, their sense of proportion and responsibility, until the original hurt and its perpetrators loom larger and larger in the consciousness until they become a sufferer’s Higher Power. To Blame consciousness also erodes one’s sense of responsibility, tempting the soul to attribute all its travails to the persons and incidents who have harmed it, therefore robbing the soul of its power to make positive choices.

Does this mean that we must crush our anger over wrongs done us and throw ourselves with gritted teeth into the arms of forgiveness? Of course not. The only way to forgiveness is through anger: acknowledging it; using it to help us take positive steps to extricate ourselves from harmful situations and people; and when we feel safe enough to do so, slowly beginning to permit ourselves to soften around our anger and the memories that gave rise to it. Eventually the hurts become part of the landscape of the inner self, like the soft eroded hills of the Appalachians, which once, eons ago, were massive and forbidding.

The flip side of To Blame is To Accept Blame One Does Not Deserve. Unjust guilt feelings and the shame that accompanies them can drive people to suicide. Abused children and spouses frequently blame themselves for their abusers’ actions; rape sufferers have often been accused of “asking for it” because they were dressed in a sexually appealing way when they were violated. Religious groups regularly target specific fringe populations as particularly hateful to God. And when members of such fringe populations internalize that hatred, accepting that censure, terrible things can happen.

My former pastor, a kind and brilliant man who ran the Evangelical Presbyterian Church I once belonged to, committed suicide because he was homosexual. He was not a child molester. He had not hidden his attraction to men from the board of elders who oversaw his stewardship of the church, and had vowed a celibate life. He had continued to pastor his congregation with wisdom and prudence, and was known in the larger community for his work in comforting dying AIDS patients. But in the end, his acceptance of our religious group’s censure of homosexual desire killed him.

To Control Absolutely, To Force, To Threaten, and To Blame are the four least creative consciousness levels. And they are not static; once the consciousness starts to collapse, it tends to keep going. People who blame others tend to be easily threatened. Fearful people tend to turn to force to protect themselves. And violent people engender violent societies in which individual freedoms are eventually abrogated entirely.

How does one stop the collapse of one’s consciousness into less and less creative levels? How does one lift oneself out of To Control or To Be Controlled, To Force or To Be Forced, To Threaten or To Be Threatened, To Blame or To Accept Blame One Does Not Deserve?

NEXT: To Accept With Intent To Learn.

Warnings From the Shadow

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Many years ago a client informed me that I had given her an inaccurate psychic reading. The reason, she said, was that a malevolent extraterrestrial had clouded my perceptions, causing the reading to fail.

Even if one believes, as I do, that psychic abilities and a spiritual reality exist, there are a lot of less dramatic reasons why a psychic might screw up a reading. Wanting to please a client too much is usually mine. But I also have a horror of misleading people, so naturally this phone call disturbed me.

What disturbed me even more was my client’s allegation that invisible aliens can control human minds. This has become a popular doctrine in the New Age community worldwide. ET influence has been offered as an explanation for illness, fatigue, accidents, depression, relationship difficulties and prosperity setbacks. Self-proclaimed ET representatives offer community, identity, excitement, peace and spiritual rescue to those willing to embrace the truth of the UFO underground.

All of this is an uncomfortable mirror of things I was taught when I was a Fundamentalist Christian in the seventies. In those days it was Satan and his demons that I was taught to beware rather than manipulative ETs, and the identity offered me was that of membership in the ranks of those saved by grace from the Last Judgment.

Both doctrines offer the same seduction. Both view the world “out there” as essentially malignant, and view the world inside us as invaded by evil. Both doctrines offer me the promise that someone outside myself can heal me, whether it be a Messiah or a “de-corder” removing my “ET implants.” Both doctrines promise to save me from the pain of being merely human by giving me a new, cleaner, more spiritual, higher identity as one of the reborn or one of the starborn. And both doctrines relieve me of the responsibility for facing the rage and sadness rooted in my childhood which, unreleased and unresolved, is the true cause of my dysfunctions.

It’s all reminiscent of what sociologists call millennial fever. We are still in the first years of the new millennium. A thousand years ago in Europe, on the eve of the year 1001 in the Christian calendar, paranoid doctrines increasingly proliferated. In those days, the invisible enemies were considered Jews, heretics, and demons. Jews, it was alleged, went about poisoning wells at night; heretics sought to seduce the theologically uneducated; demons crouched on one’s bed under the moon and tempted the flesh to rebel against the Creator. The world, the preachers back then said, was coming to an end. Evidence for this was the rebelliousness of youth and society’s increasing immorality, ecclesiastic corruption, and the proliferation of war, disease, and natural disaster. Watch the skies, people were told, for the Lord would soon appear in His glory to rescue the world from End Time horrors.

Now it is polluters, feminists, gay people, pro-choicers, immigrant “entitlement-takers”, crack dealers and bad ETs we are taught to fear in the night. Now it is good ETs we are taught to search the sky for. But both doctrines are fueled by the same unconscious, unresolved traumas.

Maybe it’s because I am an incest and PTSD survivor in recovery that I resist so strongly the notion that invisible ETs can take over my mind. But I don’t think so. I stand by the truth that intuition, reason, and emotional experience have proven to me: that it is I who cast the shadows that seem to pursue me.

Waiting for Messiah: C. S. Lewis’s “That Hideous Strength”

When I was a Fundamentalist Christian, thirty years ago, one of my favorite Christian authors was C. S. Lewis. Lewis was an Oxford theologian best known nowadays for his children’s books set in the magical land of Narnia. But he wrote an adult science fiction trilogy, too, centering around a spacefaring Messianic figure named Ransom.

Ransom’s name suggests the character of Jesus Christ, who in Christian theology, through His sufferings on the cross, ‘ransomed’ believers condemned to eternal torment in Hell for their sins.
Scientifically speaking, Lewis’s trilogy — Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength — makes for somewhat dated reading today for its view of Venus and Mars as nakedly habitable. But as vivid depictions, in a fantasy setting, of the Christian doctrines of spiritual evil and redemption, and how spiritual evil at the corporate level results in the destruction of both the environment and individual resistance to dehumanization and violence — these books show more than a few moments of genius.

The last book in the trilogy, That Hideous Strength, is for me the most powerful. It follows the struggles of a young British married couple — he an atheist and she a feminist intellectual — as they are torn by conflicting loyalties: he to the hellish corporation for which he works, a demonically led and energized group that is attempting to defile and vampirize for itself the last sacred place in England; she to Ransom and his followers, who are leading the fight against her husband’s employers and the hideous strength of the Enemy of humanity that uses, abuses, and works through them.

There are things I dislike heartily about this book: that the only gay character is a demonic, sadistic Lesbian who enjoys torturing and sexually abusing the persons she is told to interrogate; and that the wife’s feminism is portrayed as spiritual short-sightedness masking rejection of her true God-given destiny as womb for the next Messiah. But nobody, except perhaps George Orwell in 1984, does a better job than Lewis of portraying the spiritual sickness at the heart of Fascist corporations and government.

I bring all this up because I have felt for some time that there is a spiritual sickness at the heart of the Washington, D.C. power culture that the last several Republican regimes have epitomized. I feel very strongly that the mass consciousness, out of fear, called into being an oligarchy of sociopaths whose only idea of right and wrong has been what feels right or wrong for them personally, no matter the consequences to the rest of us.

And just as, in That Hideous Strength, the evil corporation’s veneer of civilization drops away when confronted to reveal the hideous visage of pure unrestrained appetite lurking beneath, so did Republican pretense of reasonableness and candor fall away during these last weeks before the election, showing a glimpse of the hideous amorality and desperate, irrational vindictiveness that had come to control and work through them.

I am not the only person to make the connection between That Hideous Strength and the last two Republican administrations. When I googled That Hideous Strength I found a Fundamentalist “End Times” website that equates Bush with the Beast of Revelations. When I was a Christian I, too, longed for the Beast to show up so that history could end, and Christ return to usher in an age of peace. But I no longer believe that there is a Beast, any more than I believe that there is a Messiah. In fact, I feel that yearning for a Messiah to rescue us could be the worst thing humanity can do given the problems facing us.

I am no longer a Christian. And I do not believe that Barack Obama, for whom I voted twice, is the Messiah. He is just a man, and even if he means half of what he has promised he will possess no magic wand to wave over the mess this country is in. It took years and several administrations for us to get sucked into the mire, and it will take years and several administrations at least to get us out.

But the mass consciousness is not rational. It operates on the most primitive level of Thought Reality, a child’s level. And just as it called into being a Father and a Son — Bush Senior and Junior — so it is capable of calling into being a third member of its Trinity. I hope not. For if Obama was called to power by a mass consciousness yearning for salvation from the masters it called into being previously, then there can only be one ultimate fate for him. And I am tired of good people dying for what is right.

What this world needs more than a sacrificial lamb is women and men committed to living in a balanced, compassionate manner — living for what is right rather than dying for it. So let’s not give the mass consciousness a reason to kill another Messiah for our inspiration. Let’s just roll up our sleeves and do what we can, where we are, with all our limitations, to make our tiny corner of the world a more compassionate place. Angels and demons and UFO aliens aside, that’s what the New Age is really all about, and I think that Ransom would agree.

On Oneness and Loss: A Trance-Persona Talk by “The Family”

Mr. Rand has asked us why the Earth kills so many of its creatures on a daily basis. It it because the world is out of balance due to sins of humans and their first parents, Adam and Eve? Is it because the Earth is an accidental, unconscious mechanism that grinds up lesser, weaker beings in its cogs, leaving those best fit to survive long enough to reproduce meaninglessly? Is the anger of the Earth due to a Goddess Who has had enough of Man and his depredations? We do not see it in these ways. This is how we do see it. And as always, take what feels right and leave the rest.

Love & Pain
When Humanity first incarnated in physical reality, it entered the material plane from a level of reality Mr. Rand’s former partner called the plane of light and sound, and which some Buddhists term the heaven of light and sound. In that reality, information is shared via complete joining of the seeker and the sought, without fear of violation thereby.In that reality, there are no edges to confine or bruise, no violation possible, no pain as you may think of it.

But there is also no love as you think of it: no yearning; no sense of loss. For in physical reality the concept of love is inextricably intertwined with the concept of pain … in physical reality love very frequently appears to be (1) a consolation for pains suffered, or (2) a battery of empowerment to strengthen one against the possibility of pains yet to be suffered.

And we speak of pain of loss first and foremost. For it is loss — loss of physical connection; loss of physical health; loss of sense of connection to family; loss of sense of self — that love, in physical reality, is sought after in order to abrogate or mitigate or stave off.

Love in the Nonphysical Realities
In the nonphysical realities, love is a celebration or marveling of unique wholeness seen within a context of continuous interconnection and interdependency. For in the vast light reaches (as Mr. Rand has come to think of the plane of light and sound), beings perceive the oneness of everything and their unshakeable, unlosable place within it.

The Dreaming
When humanity decided to explore love and creativity in the context of material reality, it first expanded to the level of reality called the dreaming or the dreamtime or the dream state, wherein all varieties and possibilities of physical experience can be imagined and tried out in order to determine which experiences will be the most valuable for both the individuals entering physical existence and the group consciousness of humanity as a whole. And in all possible probability lines experimented with, the one that seemed most attractive to you was one in which beings from the plane of light and sound joined their light-bodies with the bodies of animals — the natives of physical reality — the better to experience physical reality directly, as material participants, rather than [as] observers merely.

And not all beings from the plane of light and sound agreed to this. They chose instead to experience physical reality as observers and spiritual guides to their incarnating fellows, as even your scriptures attest when they say, “We are surrounded with clouds of witness,” and, “These things the angels themselves desire to look into.”

The Merging
And so you merged your consciousness with a line of animals descended from four-footed, milk-giving mammals, and became first what your scientists have called Homo neanderthalensis of Neanderthal humans; and then after many millennia experiencing physical reality as Neanderthalers (or, as many such termed themselves, People of the Air or Wind), some of you elected to expand upon the capacities of [what] that life as Neanderthalers afforded you, and incarnated as cousins to the Neanderthals, Homo sapiens or Cro-Magnon humans.

We say “expand upon the capacities of the Neanderthals,” but Mr. Rand points out this suggests that the Neanderthals were in some way limited or inferior to the Cro-Magnons, and this is not the case, any more than an aardvark or a pongid is inferior to a whale or a cormorant. The Neanderthals were equipped with senses not possessed by Cro-Magnons or their modern human descendants, and the Cro-Magnon were equipped with capacities not possessed by the Neanderthalers: to be precise, a capacity to think of themselves as separate from their surroundings rather than part of them; an increased sexual and territorial drive; the ability to stay in sexual rut twelve months out of the year; and an advanced capacity for communicating verbally with one another.

Over time, you discovered that these capacities gave you more creative control over your environment than the capacities you had when you were Neanderthals, and therefore more ability to protect yourselves against the pain of loss (due to illness, death by wild beasts and disease, severed affiliations with communities, and so forth) that physical reality so keenly affords its denizens the possibility of experiencing. And so more and more of you incarnated as Homo sapiens. And so in time H. neanderthalensis died out, for the two species were, with only a few exceptions, incapable of crossbreeding.

Other Experiments
This was not the only experiment tried in physical reality by beings from the plane of light and sound. Many of you incarnated on worlds other than Earth, and on Earths whose histories, though parallel to yours, flowed differently from the history you know.

One of your science fiction writers has written several books in which a reality where Homo neanderthalensis never died out and Homo sapiens never evolved communicates with your universe. And it may be said that this writer is in part “remembering” a reality in which he himself is incarnated (or, as you would put it, has been incarnated or shall be incarnated, for all incarnatings appear simultaneous from the viewpoint of the plane of the broadest self).

And even on your Earth there were those of you who experimented with combining the DNA of Homo sapiens and Homo neanderthalensis with that of sentients not native to your Earth. As your scriptures attest, “The sons of God looked upon the daughters of men, and saw that they were fair.” But the products of such unions proved out of balance with the harmony of your world, as it is written in your scriptures, “And there were giants on the Earth in those days.” And so these attempts at hybridization were by and large failures. These efforts survive to your present age only in certain oddities of DNA that may not be understood for many of your years to come.

Hallucinogens and Human Creativity
Now Mr. Rand has recently read a book that suggests that about 35,000 of your years ago, H. sapiens itself underwent a great shift in [creative] ability and awareness as a result of experimentation with commonly available hallucinogenic botanicals or trance-inducing practices such as starvation and repetitive noisemaking and repetitive movements in dance. This books says that prior to about 35,000 years ago, there were no abstract artistic representations made by humans. Then, suddenly, decorative objects and artistic renderings sprang into existence all over the world, as far apart as Europe and Africa, created by groups with no conscious awareness of one another.

These arts consisted of deliberate cross-hatchings on stones or shells; part human, part animal figures on stones and cave walls; pictures of male and female figures pierced with sharp lines like spears; geometric designs; and animals. And the book Mr. Rand read suggested that this creativity explosion, which continues in an accelerating manner to the present day, was inculcated by other-dimensional beings seeking contact and interbreeding with modern humans, even as, many millennia ago, some beings from the plane of light and sound sought hybridization, rather than incarnation, with H. sapiens and the now extinct H. neanderthalensis.

In fact we see this as a slight misunderstanding of a situation not based in linear causality. That is, it is not the aliens, or extra-dimensional figures, that seek to contact and interbreed with humans today. It is humans who seek to connect with and rejoin their essences with the nonphysical realities, while maintaining human form and belief-systems. The projection of human motives onto aspects of the nonphysical can be seen everywhere in religions, from your so-called ancient times to your present day: god who act like jealous wives, husbands, lovers, and heirs or rivals to heavenly thrones; Divine Father figures who command humans to slaughter everyone they encounter who is not of their subgroup; even benevolent Mother-figures who are [depicted as] one moment suckling the Divine Babe at their breasts and the next, brandishing swords of holy conquest as La Conquistadora. For one thing the book Mr. Rand has read does not take into account is the power of human fear to manifest menacing or threatening imagery when encountering those events or experiences that do not match prior mindsets.

The Power of Fear
The threatening probing aliens of the Close Encounter visions, the cackling hags of medieval witch-phobia, the jackal-headed Egyptian death-gods, the threatening therianthropes or black cylinders of DMT visions, all these are projections (as we see it) upon the ineffable of human fear of otherness: in short, xenophobia. And perhaps you have forgotten how strong a part xenophobia has always played in the history of your species.

So we see these visionary experiences of abduction and sexual experimentation and torture and seduction and such as human projections of human fears onto attempts by humans to become conscious of their “families” in the plane of light and sound, which was and is the first human home. For grief at separation is a much-available experience in physical reality.

Mr. Rand has for many years felt great grief at [having been] separated physically from the being he knew as his younger brother, Jeffrey Robert. This being introduced him to the concept of channeling, through Jeffrey’s involvement with, and inspiration by, the Jane Roberts “Seth” materials, which Jeffrey read in the 1980s when he was still incarnated in physical reality as Rand’s younger brother. So when Jeffrey died through the passageway of what is called AIDS, Mr. Rand felt a great separation, not only from his brother, of whom he was jealous and envious and inspired and toward whom he felt great affection, but also from an aspect of his own spirituality that had begun to emerge in his prior years as a fundamentalist Christian, a religion which Mr. Rand had left behind by the time of Mr. Jeffrey’s transition.

Not Lost
For Mr. Jeffrey is not lost, except to physical touch and hearing and smell and taste. He exists still, in a larger form than he possessed in physical reality, and meets with Mr. Rand in the dream state — though too often such meetings cannot be remembered by Mr. Rand upon waking because they would feel too painful for him in his present mindset of attachment to loss.

And that is another experience available in physical reality: the identification of the self not with those persons and opportunities presently available for concourse and intercommunication and mutual creation, but with those persons and opportunities no longer apparently available for such. And such attachments can result in a kind of addiction to waiting for death, which in extreme cases can cause an individual to actively seek physical cessation of life, but more commonly is experienced by individuals as a great difficulty in initiating, or following through on, new relationships and creative projects.

Alone

For no creature born of the plane of light and sound is meant to be alone, to which even your scriptures attest when they say, “And the LORD saw that it was not good for the man to be alone, and so He created a helper suitable for him.” And though your religions have called that suitable helper “the woman,” or havvah, which being translated into English means “living” and transliterated into English is pronounced “Eve,” [that suitable helper] was never intended to refer to a physical female at all, any more than “Adam” — which in Hebrew is “adamah” or “of the red earth” — was intended to refer to a physical male. For Adam and Eve were meant to refer to both aspects of the human nature in physical reality: the Namer and the Nurturer. And if one of these aspects is not recognized, fed, or given opportunities for self-expression, a human being incarnated in physical reality will feel incomplete, unsatisfied, and half-alive.

The Namer and the Nurturer

The naming and nurturing aspects of the human being are important to understand, for in a way the equivalents of such aspects are also experienced by you on the plane of light and sound, and are an intrinsic aspect of your nature as sovereign creative entities.

As we have said, and many have pointed out in religious, ethical, and psychotherapeutic writings over the centuries, physical reality is a place where many different kinds of pain may be experienced on a daily basis. When we began this discourse it was in response to Mr. Rand’s question, “Why does physical reality slay its inhabitants on a daily basis?”, which put another way can be understood to mean, “Why is there so much pain in physical reality?”

And it is our observation and our theory, which any are free to abandon or ignore as they see fit, that the potential for pain, which comes from overload of certain intense physical and psychological experiences, is at root the potential for separation or a sense of separation. And though much of the time it appears to the sufferer in physical reality that such separation is separation from loved ones who have died, or physical nurturance such as food and water and positive touch, at root such separation is from the naming and nurturing aspects of the … Self: the Higher Self, Broadest Self, Higher Power, God-Self, Christ-consciousness, light body, or whatever you may choose to call it … [which can give] the [incarnated] self opportunities for unfettered experience of oneness in physical reality.

Adam the Chooser, Eve the CreatorIMG_1711
For the naming or Adamic aspect of the self, which term is taken from your scriptures’ injunction to the mythic first man to name all the animals in Eden, is the aspect of the self that experiments with different possibilities for creativity and self-expression. [It is the aspect of the self] which looks at one probability-line or experience in the dream state and says, “This is what I want to experience. This is [whom] I would like to experience myself as being. This, too, is an expression of I AM-ness.” For all the names we give to others are names we give ourselves.

And the nurturing aspect of the self, which term is taken from your scriptures’ description of the mythic first woman as the “suitable helper” for Adam, refers to the aspect of the self which has the power to actualize in physical reality the creative choices of the naming aspect of the self — to actually do, in space-time terms, the will of the Greater or Higher or Broadest Self in physical reality during a given incarnation of that Self. And clearly for complete creativity in physical reality, both the Namer and the Nurturer must work together inside the self: the first, to identify opportunities for the self’s expression and creativity; and the second, to lay hold of tools available in physical reality to … give those opportunities flesh and blood expression.

Now we reiterate that the Namer, or Adamic aspect of the Self, and the Nurturer, or Evenic aspect of the Self, have nothing to do with maleness in a sexual sense and femaleness in a sexual sense, in that human men are not more intrinsically namers than human women are intrinsically nurturers. For the be happy, human men and women must express and satisfy both their Namer aspects and their Nurturer aspects. And that is what is experienced as “lost” when Physical Reality appears to separate a being from happiness and joy.

Mr. Rand’s “loss” of his brother Jeffrey is real in the sense that he and Jeffrey can no longer physically embrace. But the true loss is the apparent separation between Mr. Rand and his Namer and Nurturer aspects. For when Jeffrey was alive, Mr. Rand could look at him and himself and say, “This one and I are one. We mirror ourselves back to ourselves. We bear the same Name.” That is, “We share a purpose and a path. And we support one another in that path” — a reference to the Self’s Nurturer aspect. For when a person says, “He supports my path,” what she really at root is saying is, “He supports me in supporting myself on my path.” For support, though it may take the form of paying rent for someone, or handing them food or medicine, can have no nurturing effect unless the individual takes the support inside him or herself and uses it to strengthen him or herself sufficiently to begin providing support for self and others on one’s own.

And we thank you for sharing.