A Love Letter To Alex, On the Anniversary of His Suicide

Dear  Alex,

Today, January 27th, is the anniversary of the day I found you dead on your bed in 1988. My elderly cat has been sick, and though I love him dearly and will miss him terribly when it is his time to pass, my weeping was so intense today, and my feelings of guilt and shame so pronounced, that I knew what I was feeling had to be about earlier losses, too. Hence this letter.

It’s not the only letter I’ve written to you, by any means; for years I struggled with the persistent notion that I could have saved you from your suicide; that somehow you had killed yourself because I had failed as a partner and lover. Now, so many years, therapies, 12 Step programs, and heart-openings later, I know that your story was not my story. Had I opened the door that night at 10pm when I returned from work to find the light on under your door, I might have delayed your death, for the coroner told me you had died around midnight that night. But in the end, if death is what you wished for (and your ex-wife told me over the phone you had attempted it before, during your marriage to her), you would have found a way to hasten it. After all, a month before you died you warned me what was going to happen.

We were in the car going somewhere, you driving, me in the front passenger seat. You said, “I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed we were in a hospital room. I was lying in bed in a coma, and you were sitting on the chair next to the bed. And I knew that you were all right with my condition, because I’d told you many times that the place where I go when I do deep trance is so beautiful that some day I may not want to come back.” Maybe it was that dream (if it was a dream and not your way of hinting what was to come) that prompted me on some level to realize our time together remaining would be curtailed, for it was in mid-January that I sprung on you that surprise birthday party, where all our friends gathered, and we played a game, and you had cake, and laughed, and said, “No one has ever had a birthday party for me before.” Less than two weeks later you were dead.

My inner child has always been terrified of death. Death, in fact, is my Life Theme, the greatest truth this incarnation of mine has been learning to accept, assimilate, and adapt to. Maybe that’s one reason I was attracted to metaphysics after my rationalist upbringing and my ensuing 7 years as a Fundamentalist Christian—I sought to find evidence that the body is not all of us; that physical death is not the death of something deeper and more core in us; and that somehow Tarot, trancework, channeling and so forth would console me in ways that conventional religion failed to do. And it has helped. After my little brother Jeff, you were the greatest spiritual inspiration in my life. Your deep-trance channelings, which I (suspiciously at first, then more and more credulously) helped you attain with my guided meditations, changed my life completely. My entire spiritual world view has evolved from the talks you gave in your spirit-persona of  “Alexandra”, and I’m not the only one you helped by any means.

I can still recall clearly the sense of peace and nurture that flowed through your Alexandra persona to me and everyone else who attended our meetings in Key West, Florida, Ireland, and later Santa Fe, New Mexico, where you died. And I can recall vividly that the morning I found you, the moment I put my hand on your doorknob at 10am to rouse you for a meeting with a client we had scheduled for 11, I knew you were dead. I opened the door, saw you on the bed, and felt you and Alexandra—not the same person, but two personas—”floating” near the ceiling, witnessing me. I’ve had spiritual experiences since then, several in which I caught a glimpse of that Heaven of Light and Sound which made you so blissful whenever you tranced. But the experience I had that morning was my Lightning-Struck Tower.

Thank you for all you gave me. Thank you for my sense of your continuing presence in my life. I have loved other men since I met you, but you remain uniquely precious.

P.S. Please watch over my cat, and help me release him to the arms of Love when it comes his time to rise. •

Alex_with_Christmas_tree.IMG

A Message From “The Family”: On Ghosts, Aliens, Spirit Guides and Hauntings, Part 1

tree_huggers

And we thank you for sharing.

On the subject of ghosts and spirits much has been written, yet Mister Rand is desirous of our thoughts on these subjects. So we share what we know of them from our perspective as conduits [to the nonphysical worlds]. From the perspective of the nonphysical self, ghosts spirits, aliens, and hauntings all derive from individual need for those experiencing them to connect to their Greater Self and the transfinite aspect of the superpersonality.

That is, a ghost for one person may meet that person’s specific need for experience; as may an alien UFO sighting or a spirit guide manifestation. So in a sense, every person’s experience of the unseen is slightly different from anyone else’s experience of it.  This is not to say that these experiences are bogus or aways generated by the fears and hopes of the experiencer. Sometimes they are, but not always, particularly in those cases when multiple experiences of very similar phenomena have been recorded by people who differ greatly from one another regarding their beliefs in the occult or the spiritual or the Woo Woo Land as some may individuals term it (<-this is a joke.) So we may organize the different experiences of spirits, boojums, fairies, pookahs, redcaps, trolls, dragons, Grey Men, demons, elves, and so forth according to which spoke on the Wheel of Creation they correspond to.

Spirits of Passion: What we may term “spirits of passion” are other-worldly beings generated by sexual frustration; that is, thought- and feeling-forms arising from the experiencer’s passionate desire to merge with a human being the way that experiencer remembers having merged with All-That-Is before birth. Such spirits may take the form of fantasy sexual figures, sex gods and goddesses from mythology, lovers the experiencer has enjoyed (or wishes s/he had enjoyed) in the past, or even animals. In many cases the experiencer is led into an Underworld by such a spirit, or appears to be; or feels the spirit physically present during sexual self=manipulation; or has a dream in which such union takes place. Such spirits are normally thought-forms, and the extent to which they appear frightening or malignant is usually a sign of the experiencer’s own attitudes towards his or her sexuality and sexuality in general, formed in part by culture and in part by molestation or sexual abuse in childhood or young adulthood. It is in fact during young adulthood that such spirits of passion are most often manifested, for this is a time of enormous outpouring of sexual energy within the nervous system and cells of humans.

Where such spirits appear to take on deviant forms, or forms that mock the accepted morality of the experiencer’s religious training or upbringing, they usually mask a desire below the consciousness of the experiencer to satisfy the feelings of the body without the guilt, shame, or moralizing associated with such feelings. This does not mean that all sexual urges should be acted upon. Some, such as pedophiliac fantasies, or rape fantasies, would if acted upon cause harm to others, and this is not acceptable if one wishes to rise above consciousness levels of Force, Threat, and Blame and embrace creative, joygiving consciousness levels of Acceptance, Understanding, Giving, Loving, and Knowing That One Already Has all that one needs. However, all such images ought to be interacted with, particularly if they are disturbing to the experiencer; and counselors can be useful for this.

Spirits of Belief: Spirits of belief are spirits that come in response to the experiencer’s desire for understanding the true values of life. Often such experiencers are religious people who are losing their faith, and so they experience visitations which seem to shore up their faith and strengthen it, according to these experiencers’ needs and symbols. Other spirits of belief come to inspire intellectual understanding by facilitating the explorer’s perceptions of connections among otherwise seemingly disconnected phenomena. So for the first spirit of belief, the spirit of faith, the experiencer might encounter a visitation by a religious figure or icon that is common within his or her belief field. In the [case of the] second spirit of belief, the experiencer might experience feeling filled with creative or philosophical certainty, as though a Greek Muse had descended upon him or her and granted him or her momentary genius. (For most people are geniuses, though they may not know it.)

Spirits of Strategy: Spirits of strategy are messengers from the past or future or an alternative present, that is, one that exists in another space-time continuum parallel to the one in which you find yourself as you read this. Some spirits of strategy take the form of the experiencer’s ancestors; others, as figures from science fiction. Other spirits of strategy have messages from the past self [or a self] in another incarnation. During past life regressions, the being is a spirit of strategy that appears at the bottom of the rainbow staircase to lead the regressee into a past life useful for him or her to know. During future-castings, a spirit of strategy may appear as a guide showing the way to a desired future, or a warner-away designed and determined to help the experiencer avoid a possible future that would not fulfill his or her desired life purpose. We call these spirits “spirits of strategy” because a strategy is a roadmap for getting from where one really is to where one really wishes to be, and once cannot devise, understand, or execute such a strategy unless one has made peace with the past.

Spirits of Harmony: Spirits of harmony are in many ways the most emotionally fulfilling of the spirits to be experienced. Angels, maternal figures, goddesses of mercy such as Kwannon, Jesus, the Shekinah–figures of mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and love often fall into this designation. Often these spirits are experienced in the Dream State, during prayer, or during meditation, but their effect is always to reassure, calm, and support peace within the heart of the experiencer. Spirits of harmony can be resisted, and when they are resisted they may take frightening forms symbolic of the experiencer’s resistance to acceptance and growth in the area represented by the symbols involved. But as soon as such frightening forms are confronted, and it is demanded, “Who are you and what do you want?”, they dissolve, revealing behind them the loving presence that was there all along.

Mister Rand experienced such a spirit of harmony one day when he was driving back from a twelve step meeting. He felt a spiritual presence around him that seemed to wish to crush him into obedience or conformation with a moral value that Mister Rand did not recognize as valid. So Mister Rand [thinking the spirit making itself known was from the Creator of All or God) cried out, “You made me a homosexual. So if you want a relationship with me, you must accept me as a homosexual, for that is what I am.” And immediately the feeling of the presence shifted to one of unconditional love and acceptance. Mister Rand had confronted his own self-rejection, and his thought form, which had been masking the true Presence of Love, dissipated.

NEXT: Spirits of Action, Support and Communication. 

Image

 

 

 

A Message From “The Family”: On Dreaming

ImageThere is no one way to interpret the multidimensional, emotional, contextual, and physical phenomena you call dreams. This is because no one dreams in the same way. Even a symbol in a dream can shift meaning from one frame of the dream to another.

It is a mistake we feel to assume that all dreams have messages hidden within them. Some dreams simply manifest as expressions of digestive difficulty or of immune system attack struggles. However, those dreams that do convey meaning appear to fall into the following categories:

1. Dreams of Revisiting the Past: These are very common sorts of dreams, in which the dreamer finds him or herself in surroundings, or talking with persons, known from previously in his or her lifetime. The emotional contact of such dreams can be nostalgic and pleasant, or tense and fraught with worry. Such dreams can yield useful data on unresolved past events about which the dreamer is still conflicted, for the consciousness level of To Blame often makes itself known through dreams of the past.

2. Dreams of Friends and Family Still Living: Dreams of persons known to be still living by the dreamer are, if pleasant, frequently experiences in the nonphysical of the two energies of the two individuals meeting and communing in the dream state during sleep. Sometimes these dreams also are simple rehashes of already experienced physical events, but where they are not they often signify an actual meeting of souls in the dreamtime.

3. Dreams of Danger, Horror, and Dread: Nightmares, as such dreams are called, frequently contain biophysical vectors: substances being cleared from the body, immune system attacks being warded off, or past trauma rising up in symbolic form to demand scrutiny, voice, and clearing. Such dreams usually reflect anxieties also experienced in the waking state [and as such mirror the consciousness level of To Threaten]. If one is feeling vulnerable at work or in a relationship or at school, for example, one might dream of being naked in public. And so forth. (Mister Rand does not feel we need to give further examples.)

4. Dreams of Delight and Mystery: Dreams of delight and mystery are often called numinous dreams, dreams that transcend spacetime and represent experiences of the Divine. This is not always the case, particularly when the dreamer is an imaginative person or has witnessed a particularly moving moving picture on television or in the theatre. But true numinous dreams always contain a very very vivid certainty that they are Reality as or more real than the waking state.

5. Dreams of Frustration or Seeking: Dreams in which the dreamer finds him or herself unable to complete a desired task often indicate attempts in the planning state to chart a course in physical reality from where you really are to where you really wish to be, attempts that are feeling incomplete or frustrated to the dreamer. Mister Rand frequently dreams of seekiing his car in a parking lot and finding it has been moved or he has forgotten where it is. Such a dream can signify that the dreamer is seeking an opportunity for love or prosperity but cannot figure out how or where to find such experiences. Such a dream can also signify that the dreamer has been traveling in the dreamtime from one level of reality to another, and is now attempting to chart a course back into thought reality and space-time so that he or she may awaken.

6. Dreams Sent By God: Some kinds of dreams are, or appear to be, direct communications from the Holy Spirit of the Creator to the dreamer. Sometimes this is true and sometimes it is not. If the dream contains force, threat, or blame attitudes then it is not from the Creator. And what do we mean by “the Creator”? We mean the dreamer him- or herself. For as we see these matters, all reality is a dream in which all of us join to collaborate, and the physical events of spacetime are projections of agreements already made in the dream state and physical planning state, even horrific ones such as force, threat, and blame events. [Rand: To me this paragraph makes no sense. Just saying.]

Many traditional cultures offer dream interpretation  services from priests or shamans or (as you would term them now) psychotherapists and psychics. There are also books that purport to contain interpretations of dream symbols. We suggest availing yourself of such resources if you feel they might be helpful at stimulating your insights. But we again urge caution: as Mister Rand’s mother Kaye often remarked, “Although Doctor Freud said that a cigar appearing in a dream actually represented a penis, in fact sometimes a cigar [in a dream] is just a cigar.” And this we feel is true.

The best way to interpret a dream we feel is either to write it out or draw it or both. Then take each frame of the dream in turn and treat it as a dream of its own. Each element—person, place, thing, feeling—in the frame represents something in or concerning you the dreamer. Take one element and ask yourself, “What does this remind me of in my own life?” For dream symbols are often analogies. Sometimes they are even puns. For example, a person concerned overly with the size of her posterior might dream of some large rabbits (or “buns”).

Sometimes it also may be helpful to talk through the dream with an insightful individual who knows you well. If after attempting to understand your dream you appear to fail, do not despair or feel that the Greater Self has abandoned you. Simply release the dream. Your unconscious will find another way to communicate with you, either through another dream or through a serendipitous utterance or event in your waking life. And we thank you for sharing.

—Channeled 28 October 2013.

To Know That One Already Has

gleeTo Know That One Already Has is the tenth and most creative level of consciousness available to beings in physical reality.  It is a divine state of sureness in which one knows that one possesses everything one needs, has needed, and will ever need to overflow with happiness, safety, and joy. I know it is possible to experience such a level of consciousness while still in physical reality because I experienced such a state once, during a vision that came to me while I was working as office assistant to an environmental lawyer (see my blog entitled “To Love”). In this vision I felt suspended in a sea of light which knew me utterly, supported me without question, and desired nothing from me. At that instant I felt safe for the first time in my life, and I burst into tears of relief. At that instant, I knew that I already possessed everything I needed for happiness and joy. I felt complete.

It was not a state in which I was able to remain. I was and am still too bound up with my force, threat, and blame wounds to do that. But I know that, having experienced once, the consciousness of my completeness remains within me available to me again when I am ready for it.

Since I had this experience I have run into other people who have had it, too. Some of them have experienced it while on drugs; others, in meditation. Many religions report mystics,  saints, and devotees experiencing such states of completion, and record the ecstasies that arise from the experience of such states.

The state of knowing that one already has is, I believe, our true state. It is a deep state of rest. And that is why some mystics, saints, and devotees can demonstrate, while still in the physical body, acts of divine compassion and apparent self-sacrifice. I say “apparent” because, when one has achieved awareness of one’s essential completeness and safety, one knows, deep down in one’s core, that food, clothing, status, money, physical possessions, even the body itself, are not who one really is. They are accompaniments, adornments, temporarily useful perhaps, but ultimately releasable because I recognize the real me already possesses—and always will possess—deepest, eternal safety within the Divine Heart of Love.

Self-sacrifice that arises from the consciousness That One Already Has is very different from self-sacrifice that arises from force, threat, or blame. Force, threat, and blame triggered self-sacrifice is an act of violence against the self, a decision to deny oneself what one needs for happiness and joy so that others will prosper instead. And such self-sacrifice is invariably accompanied by buried resentment. Psychologists sometimes call a pattern of resentful self-sacrifice “codependency“: an addictive pattern of denying myself what I need in hopes that my giving to another will prompt him or her to give me what I need.

And so the cycle of self-examination continues, leading me back again and again to the necessity To Accept With Intent To Learn, so that I might Understand Physically, Understand Spiritually, Give myself what I need, and ultimately Know That I Already Have everything I require for happiness and joy: Love Itself, Who is eternal, changeless, undiminishable, and intensely, supremely personal.

The Wheel of Creation: Communication

ImageThe sixth spoke of the Wheel of Creation I call communication. In the Wheel diagram it lies directly opposite the hub from the passion spoke, and this is no accident. When enthusiasm for a project flags, one of the best ways to revive that enthusiasm is to talk about it to someone supportive who shares similar enthusiasms.

Communication also factors into making a dream come true because, since dreams are realized via interdependence rather than independence, I must be able to share my ideal vision with others in order to find resources to help me take action on my dream realization strategies. How I communicate my vision—through words, spoken or written, through images, through groups, through ads, through talks, workshops, or through one-on-one confabs—is important, too. Some visions are suitable for mass marketing and others aren’t. Talking to others who have  realized dreams similar to my own can give me clues to the best way to build a bridge between my heart’s desires and those who can help me fulfill them.

Also bear in mind that some people are doers, some are feelers, and some are primarily knowers. Doers tend to respond to concrete descriptions and bottom line facts: who, what, where, how much, and what’s in it for me? Feelers tend to respond to personal contact, anecdote, and individual reaching-out. Knowers tend to respond to the big picture, subtlety, nuance, and elegantly constructed, patterned presentations.

A final aspect of the communication spoke is the need for me to keep up a running dialogue throughout the dream-manifestation process with my Greater Self. If you are an atheist materialist, you may think of your Greater Self as your rational adult self. If you are religious, you may think of your Greater Self as God, your oversoul, or a spiritual figure for whom you feel a connection. Ask for your Greater Self to send you serendipitous opportunities to clarify your passion, firm your beliefs, refine your strategies, take more efficient action, and find deeper sources of support. Then let go of the need to control exactly how, when, where, and from what direction these opportunities arise. Try it! It works!

— Rand B. Lee. All contents Copyright 2013 Rand B. Lee. Please do not copy, paste, forward, or excerpt  portions of this blog without proper attribution.

The Wheel of Creation: Support

ImageIn absolute terms, the “self-made” man or woman does not exist in physical reality. A person may be self-directed; he or she may be omnicompetent. But no one makes their dreams come true without help. This is the main principle of the support spoke of the Wheel of Creation.

Asking for help is very difficult for many of us. We are taught from earliest childhood to become self-sufficient, and in the dog-eat-dog world of corporate competition, to ask for help is often seen as a sign of weakness and therefore of inferiority. But as a person ages, the illusion of complete self-sufficiency begins to waver. One becomes aware of limitations one was not aware one possessed, whether they be physical limitations (dwindling economic resources, difficulty walking or lifting heavy objects), mental limitations (changing memory storage capacity), emotional limitations (tendency to emotional exhaustion), or spiritual limitations (a long-held world-view challenged by new information).

In making a dream come true, asking for help from other human beings is always necessary, not just once, but many times along the way. Therefore, learning to ask for help effectively is vital to dream-realization.

Asking For Help: Some Guidelines

  1. Write up a flexible, detailed working strategy for making your dream come true, listing for each stage of the strategy questions to be answered,  resources to be gathered, and skills to be mastered or hired.
  2. Drawing upon your experience, your research, and the experience and research of others, identify potential sources of help for each stage of your dream manifestation strategy.
  3. When time comes to approach potential helpers, work out what you are going to say beforehand. The goal is to ask for what you really need to help you execute that stage of your strategy, not what you think you can get.
  4. Ask at a time and place convenient to the potential helper.
  5. Be prepared to offer something concrete in return for the help you are requesting, if only a heartfelt “Thank you!”
  6. If the person or institution approached for help does not respond to your request for help, ask and keep on asking until they (a) turn you down, (b) help you, or (c) refer you to someone else who might be able to help you.
  7. If you are unable to locate help for the strategy-step immediately before you, re-examine your strategy. Is this truly the next step in your dream-scheme, or is there a different step you should consider taking first? Also consider the possibility that your Greater Self sees a broader picture than you do, and may be closing one door only to open another.
  8. Be sure and send the person who helps you a thank-you note afterwards. This will make it far more likely that she or he will be kindly disposed to helping you in future.

NEXT: The Wheel of Creation: Communication

The Wheel of Creation: Action

ImageExternal action is necessary to make my dreams come true. That is, I must take tangible steps to create the physical networks, resources, and structure sufficient to support my dream when I download it from the dream-state into physical reality.

So far, in the first four blogs on the Wheel of Creation, we have dealt with largely internal action steps: passion (recognizing what I truly want), belief (expanding my value and cognitive understanding sufficiently to permit my dream to become a reality), and strategy (coming up with a mental plan for connecting to the resources necessary to download my dream into spacetime). Now we face the task of taking action to actually apply our strategy on a day to day basis until our dream is realized and our passion is satisfied.

Some issues to examine when considering this step:

  1. What specific act can I accomplish today, just as I am, with all my present imperfect resources, strengths, and skills, to get one step closer to making my dream a reality?
  2. If I feel overwhelmed by the idea of taking action, my strategy may be an idealized one that does not begin with where I really am. I may need to go back and refine my strategy so that each step is doable (with help).
  3. If I keep not taking action on a well thought out strategy, it may be that my vision of what I truly want to create is not sufficiently clear, or that its manifestation appears to threaten something I secretly want more. I may need to go back and do the Ruling Passion Exercise to get in touch with what I truly want, not what I think I should want.
  4. Fear can block me from taking action. If I believe that I will be punished for being successful I will tend to drag my heels at applying my strategy. So I must rework my strategy to include steps for acknowledging and working with such fears when they arise.

As a general principle, I tell my clients not to let three days go by without taking a step to get closer to realizing a specific dream. But no matter how hard I work to reach such a goal, I will not be able to do so without support.

NEXT: The Wheel of Creation: Support.