On Giving Up Theology

MAJORTRUMPS.XII.TheHermitI tend to continually compare my idealized inner picture of the world as I feel it should be with the reality I perceive around me. As a result, I am usually disappointed, because physical reality has its own rules and patterns that often do not square with my idealized inner picture. In an attempt to discover and understand these rules and patterns, I have spent most of my life exploring different philosophies, religions, and lifestyles, hoping to find one that would feel like home.

The Good Boy

As a child, I thought by being “good” according to my familial value-set, I would be rewarded with the love, safety, and belonging that I craved. When that didn’t work, I asked my Dad to send me to a psychiatrist, because I felt something was wrong with me, and if I just fixed it, everything would be smooth sailing from then on. That didn’t work, either.

Bible College

My father died suddenly, and I had a psychological snapping experience: I converted to Fundamentalist Christianity. I found a community of Bible-believing Christians who were really trying to live their faith. I did my best to follow the rules, which entailed giving up sexuality, dressing conservatively, and accepting the doctrine that I was bad through and through, a sinner deserving of eternal punishment in Hell. I even went to Bible College at my pastor’s urging and with my family’s money. But in the end, I found that no matter how hard I tried, the Fundamentalist doctrinal system was not for me the doorway into the unconditional love I’d been craving. I would pray and pray and confess sinful thought after sinful thought, but I never felt the love of Christ we sang about in chapel.

Coming Out

After that, I got into looking for love big time. I lost weight and sought out other gay men. I figured as long as I stayed slim, placed enough personal ads, and had sexual encounters in which I put my partners’ sexual needs before my own, the Universe would reward me with a longterm lover. I did find a lover, Alex, and we were together for two years, working as psychics, before his sudden suicide put an end to our earthly relationship. But if truth be told, having a lover did not satisfy me either. Almost as soon as Alex and I had moved in together, I had started gaining weight again in an unconscious attempt to put a shell of protection around myself. Inside I was still convinced I was ugly, unloveable, weak, bad, and a failure at being a man. Furthermore, I had failed to save him, so I was a failure as a partner as well.

Opening To Channel

After my lover’s death, I tried to practice, and expand upon, the the spiritual system Alex had channeled. I began doing trancework myself, and gradually, as I got better at opening my heart and mind to spirit, I felt a measure of that peace I had been seeking as long as I stayed in trance. But you can’t stay in trance twenty-four hours a day and function in physical reality. When I wasn’t channeling, I still found myself miserable, lonely, and scared.

Twelve Steps

After bulking up to over 360 pounds, in 1998 I got into a Twelve Step program for compulsive overeaters. I followed that system’s rules and procedures, and worked the Twelve Steps, a series of introspective spiritual surrender exercises. Suddenly, I started for the first time sensing a Higher Power’s benign presence around me, and lost half my body weight in 2 years. So there I was, thin again, and guess what happened? Despite my spiritual progress in the program, I still felt ugly and unloveable inside. So I left my Twelve Step program, and, increasingly tormented by the fear that the Universe was just an unconscious meat machine with no Divine Love, no survival of consciousness after death of the body, and no inherent purpose, I started overeating again. I ended up regaining all but around 60 pounds of the weight I had lost.

Letting Love In

Last November, at 302 pounds, I finally gave up the idea that any single system of philosophy or psychiatry or theology or spirituality was going to save me from my internal pain. I realized, finally, on a deepest gut level, that I had been embracing systems in an attempt to gain some control over my life.  So one day I threw up my hands and said to Divine Love, “I give up my illusion of control over my life and death. I open my heart to You fully. I realize that all the love and safety I had been seeking in a constantly and inexorably changing physical reality is only found in You. Please fill me with Yourself.” Then I went about my normal business.

But a few weeks later, something unexpected happened. While leading a group of clients in a Heart Chakra meditation, I suddenly had the first of a series of spiritual experiences that left me breathless with a genuine, transformative awareness that Divine Love is real—and not only real, but unconditional, for It is complete in Itself and needs nothing from me, only seeking my good. And the Love felt familiar—it felt like home. I thought, “How could I have forgotten You’ve been there with me all this time and I never noticed?” It was that real. Again, the high did not last for more than a few months. But in the course of it I started a love relationship with another gay man. When the Divine Love high wore off, all my incest trauma crap came rushing up, and I was forced by my escalating terror to terminate the romantic aspects of my relationship with him. I thought, “How could I have been so stupid as to think my so-called Divine Love experiences were real? The atheist materialists must be right. Spiritual experiences are just brain farts with no inherent meaning.”

Love and Flesh

celloatSarajevoIt’s been several months since my breakup with my lover and my fresh cascade of self-disappointment. I’ve calmed down a bit, and have realized a few things. Just as I had tried for years to immerse myself in systems and communities so I would not feel ugly and lonely, I had been trying to stay in the high of my visions so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain that physical reality often triggers in me. I had become, in a sense, addicted to spiritual bliss. I was using spiritual bliss to numb my pain and keep me in a protective shell where nothing could touch me, exactly the way I had once used sugar. I was trying to use spiritual bliss to protect my heart chakra from pain.

I realize now that my visionary experience of Divine Love last fall was not a brain fart, or withdrawn because I am a sinner. I know that that Love still exists whether I feel it or not. And because It is Truth as well as Love, Love refuses to be used by me to close my heart to my own pain and the pain of others. Love knows that, ultimately, I am safe; and that, ultimately, I will learn to keep my heart open to It even when I feel lost and abandoned. And I do not have to learn in isolation. Divine Love is expressed not only in visions, but through people, animals, and Nature as well. Recognizing Divine Love in the world around me is now my stated goal, and my prayer.

How have you experienced Divine Love? I would like very much to hear your story. •

A Message From “The Family”: On Ghosts, Aliens, Spirit Guides and Hauntings, Part 2: Spirits of Action, Support, and Communion

Hubble_snow_angelNothing matters to humans but life and death. We are speaking of physical life and physical death. Mister Rand has struggled all his life with terror of death, ever since early childhood, when he encountered the shredded corpses of his pet rabbits strewn across the lawn of his childhood home. Nothing is more terrifying to him, and to many humans, than the thought of dying alone and unloved, under painful and lonesome circumstances.

He is a Pisces, and prone to such extremes of thought. In response to his fears we say, “You are safe. Everyone is safe. At root, Love is unconquerable, immutable, the force that binds all the realities together in a whirling balance of constant expansion. Yet no matter how many changes develop in physical reality, including changes that bring unimaginable pain to those involved in them, there are agents of Love waiting to bring consolation to the sufferer.”

And so Mister Rand need not fear a lonely death. As he has been present at the deaths of his beloved dogs, so will his spiritual guides attend his transformation back into his truest Self.

We continue to describe  some of these spiritual agents or helpers by examin[ing] Spirits of Action, Support, and Communion.

Spirits of Action: Spirits of Action are spirit helpers called in to assist a human with decisions, transitions, and exertion[s]. Like the angels who came in disguise to the door of Lot in the Bible, so these beings can take the forms of humans. So it is true what the Bible says when it asserts, “We entertain angels unawares.” Some such spirits temporarily inhabit the energy fields of living humans, who agree to speak and act to help the human in need. Whenever a person requires events to take a specific turn, angels of action appear to encourage that person to take the necessary action to bring the desired result about. Such spirits of action can take the form of books, or words spoken by teachers, or therapists, or twelve step individuals, or simply make themselves felt as powerful urges to do this or to do that.

Spirits of Support help individuals connect to their “tribe,” that is, their circle of support systems who are energetically and emotionally and intellectually and evaluatively able to help that individual find resources for achieving his or her goals in physical reality. The Greek god Eros, or Cupid in Roman myth, was a depiction of just such a spirit; but Cupid is not simply an agent to bring lovers together. He is also an agent for bringing “likers” together—platonic soulmates, if you will. For the divine heart of love can take many different forms within the context of physical experience. Spirits of support can also assist humans in getting practical needs met such as finding a new home, or connecting to a new teacher, or finding the counseling support or spiritual support that person requires at this particular time in his or her life.

There is truth to the New Testament statement attributed to Jesu, and that is, “You ask not and therefore you have not;” and in Jesu’s statement, “Ask and keep on asking and you shall receive; knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened; seek and keep on seeking and [you shall] find.” For the verbs used in these statements [as they appear in the King James Bible] are not translated correctly for English. In the ancient common [koiné] Greek of Jesu’s day, the verb can take not only a simple present form—I am seeking or I seek—but it can also take what is called by grammarians a continuing present form: I am [continually] seeking. And this is an important difference.

Why does Spirit require one to keep on seeking? Is that because Spirit has limited resources and does not wish to give us help unless we beg for it? We do not see things this way. One must keep on asking, seeking, and knocking in order to overcome inner resistance to receiving what [we]claim [we] desire (but may not deep down actually desire). So persistence in asking, seeking, and knocking puts out into the multiverse a strong probability line attraction—as long as the individual seeking, asking, and knocking is not afraid of the consequences of getting what she or he says she or he wants.

Spirits of Communion are spirits summoned with messages from the Greater Self to the physicalized self; or, if you prefer in your symbol system, messages from your inner self to your conscious self. These messages are not simply information, however. They are experiences of communion with the Divine Heart of Love, and they do not come at a summons or calling. They well up within the seeker as the result of the seeker staying in the heart center and practising acceptance with intent to learn. Such spirits can also come in dreams of a loved one consoling the dreamer, or as passages in a religious text which “jump out at you” as people say. Mister Rand has even experienced such communion while getting out of his seat in a 12 step meeting in a state of complaint over not  understanding or feeling the presence of a Grater or Higher Self. Once such a message, which is a complete meme that is not easily expressed in linear terms, is felt by the individual, it is almost never forgotten, even if the bliss the spirit of communion conveys fades from the emotional body.

NEXT: What Ghosts Are.

Channeled 8/18/2014 by Rand B. Lee

A Message from “The Family”: On Faith and Doubt

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Mister Rand is frequently plagued with concerns that the truths he has clung to for consolation and support he will find, in a shattering moment of terror on his deathbed, to all have been founded upon falsehoods. He is not alone in this fear. Many individuals, when apprised of their forthcoming deaths, return to the religions of their childhoods; or, alternatively, trumpet their atheism, comforting themselves with the certainty that the death of the body is an extinguishment (rather than a damnation or rebirth, as others claim). Mister Rand has always wished to look Death in the eye when that angel finally comes for him, because Mister Rand has feared Death all his life. And so what do these matters tell us about faith and doubt?

Faith and doubt, as we see it, are tools selected unconsciously or consciously by the human soul in order to create certain experiences while in physical reality. For example, when he was a boy, Mister Rand unconsciously elected to side with his agnostic father regarding religion and the divine, because his mother, an alcoholic and pedophile, was a believing Christian according to her lights. Mister Rand wished his father to approve of him, and he wished to detach himself from his mother, particularly as he grew older and her anger towards males became more apparent in her attitudes and actions towards him. But once Mister Rand’s father died, Mister Rand’s need for a context in which to know himself and live his life led Mister Rand to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior on a beach in New Jersey, as a result of a young man preaching to him from a pamphlet called “The Four Spiritual Laws.”

Returning to the town where he was attending college, Mister Rand got involved with a church where he was welcomed by many, and this gave him a sense of having a family again. He cast himself fully into the practices and doctrines of the church group, even to the point of trying to convince family and friends of the truth of the Christianity he espoused. And yet part of him did not like the sacrifices Mister Rand felt he had to make in order to continue to be accepted by the Christians with whom he was involved; that is to say, his homosexuality, which, as he recovered slowly from the trauma associated with the death of his agnostic father, exerted more and more of a tug upon his bodymind. And so, when he had healed from the greater part of the death trauma around his father, and when Mister Rand had gained the inner strength to once more go out into the world on his own, he began to question some of the teachings of the group with which he was involved. Feeling his faith slipping away, in desperation he sought out an elder of the church and asked this man to mentor him; but the man was homophobic, having lost a wife to her coming out as a Lesbian; and only grudgingly told Mister Rand he would mentor him. And Mister Rand knew his days as a Christian were over.

So Mister Rand [again] embraced the agnosticism of his father. It was an effort to permit himself an expansion of his earthly experiences. Agnosticism, unlike atheism, does not claim certainty of the existence or nonexistence of God/dess; so to Mister Rand unconsciously agnosticism represented a freedom to explore matters of faith and reality and experience that he had not permitted himself before in his life thus far. This period of agnosticism came to an end when Mister Rand’s younger brother discovered the “Seth” channelings of the late Jane Roberts. There awakened in Mister Rand a curiosity to explore spiritual mysticism and the practices of divination known as the Tarot, for deep down he had continued to feel a yearning for certain guidance for his soul. He also wished to become looked up to by New Agers as a man of occult wisdom, for he felt like a failure whom no one could love or look up to, because he was not a famous writer like his father; had no life partner; and was not tall with big muscles, bravado, and/or tattoos like his older brother.

So Mister Rand became a Tarot reader, and found he had a talent for seeing connections when stimulated by querent questions and the images on the Tarot cards. And so his reputation as a Tarot reader spread slowly throughout the community where he lived with his mother and brother. Suddenly he met the man who for two years would become the most important figure in his life: Mister Alex, named Stuart Lucker. Together they became a psychic team, first in Key West, Florida, then in Santa Fe, New Mexico. And from Mister Alex’s channelings as “Alexandra” came several life systems that Mister Rand hungrily adopted, for they gave his life meaning without demanding that he hate his innermost nature, as Fundamentalist Christianity had done.

After Mister Alex’s death, Mister Rand continued to explore the Tarot, and later, trance work or “channeling” as well; and within his superconscious created the aggregate information source he calls “The Family,” a source within his Greater Self that enables him to see connections not easily perceptible to his conscious mind. This mindset he has more or less maintained ever since.

But Mister Rand has always been plagued by doubts that his New Age beliefs might be no truer than the Christian beliefs or agnosticism he had previously espoused. Part of the reason for this is that Mister Rand is incarnated as the Essence we call Judgment, in which dualism, and in particular dualistic thinking, is enthroned mightily: I believe/I believe not; I am man/I am woman; I am good/I am evil; God is Love in all parts of Godself/God is a consuming fire; reality has purpose, with Love at the core of it/reality has no purpose, and all physical reality’s denizens are merely accidental meat machines. Another reason for Mister Rand’s doubtings is that as he has grown in experience he has, deep within himself, sensed a truth larger even than the truths channeled by his lover Alex and later by himself; that is, truths of a different order entirely and beyond what “The Family” as he thinks of us can express and perceive. For we are a construct merely, a tool for the transmission of insight already held within Mister Rand’s Greater Self, and within the Greater Selves of Mister Rand’s clients who seek “The Family’s” advice. So, just as when he left agnosticism for Fundamentalism, Fundamentalism for agnosticism, and agnosticism for spiritualism, Mister Rand, unknown to himself, has a longing for experience that he does not feel his current form of belief can support or legitimize. And so part of him doubts the teachings of “Alexandra” that have sustained him for so long.

And so faith and doubt are tools, even more than they are expressions of psychological bent or orientation; tools which the Greater Self uses to assist Mister Rand in creating life experience for himself. What form Mister Rand’s new tools will take we cannot say, except that Love is at the core of it; for his recent visions of Love, utterly without doctrinal or theological system to accompany them, have exerted a major influence upon Mister Rand’s soul.

And so, if you struggle with doubt, ask yourself, “What experience has faith not given me that I may be needing to leave my former faith in order to enjoy?” And we thank you for sharing.

— May 10, 2014. Channeled by Rand B. Lee. All rights reserved.

The Tarot of You: Understanding Your Multidimensional Nature

All images Copyright 2013 Rand B. Lee. All rights reserved.

All images Copyright 2013 Rand B. Lee. All rights reserved.

Here’s to an awesome 2014 for each of you!  I hope you’re staying warm – at least it isn’t -7°!!!

Our wonderful physic/Tarot expert Rand Lee has a lovely kickoff to 2014 planned for you. At 2pm on January 25 he’ll be discussing The Tarot of You: Understanding Your Multidimensional Nature.  In the conference room at HIllside, the magical shop and tearoom on Old Las Vegas Hwy.

More info, please?  Certainly!

More on theTopic:  Which facet of the Divine is embodying itself in you? A look at the 22 faces God/dess wears in spacetime, and how identifying the divine face you embody can help you achieve your full potential. Early 2014 is a good time to re-examine who you are.  Many are finding new directions and dimensions have emerged in these times of paradigm shifts!

 

Cost: Up to you. Rand appreciates donations, but don’t let a lean wallet keep you from coming.

 

Time:   Rand will start at 2pm – come early and browse & grab a cuppa. After the main talk there will be a time for questions/discussion. We should be out of there no later than 4.

 

Location:  Hillside is near Harry’s Roadhouse, in the building that used to be the Tropic of Capricorn nursery. The new owners are looking at all sorts of fun possibilities – currently there are neat gifts and artworks and the teashop, along with periodic classes. Playful magic abounds here! Park over to the left and you can come via in the flat path, avoiding the mischievous front steps.

Can’t come, but realize that a private session is just what you need?  Call Rand at 505-469-9782.

There are more events planned for later in the Spring, but Rand wanted you to have a heads-up ASAP about this one.  More information will be coming your way shortly.


Lindsay Robinson
cell 505-690-2806
land 505-992-2851
Santa Fe, NM

A Message From “The Family”: On Living Without Fear

surrender“Fear is the mind-killer” as one of your writers has said. Fear paralyzes. Fear energizes. Fear eats away at reality, shrinking it until there is no room in it left to breathe. Awareness of fear is the first step in learning to overcome fear. Listening to fear, and learning from it, is essential if one is not to be ruled by fear.

Fear comes from a sense of vulnerability, a belief that something essential can be taken away from one by another. Underlying this meme are the assumptions that there is a difference between self and other, and that self and other are opposed. In fact this is not true in most cases. In most cases, the forces that appear arrayed against one are not enemies at all. They are simply obstacles. They do not threaten out of malign intent. They simply exist for their own purposes, which appear to run counter to one’s own.

Consider the career criminal who makes a habit of mugging old ladies. Or the violent police officer on the lookout for a victim. These are forces of nature, mindless, purposeless, driven by chemistry and morphology to seek out and inflict pain upon others. They are Pan in the Tarot deck, physical reality as God: accidental, unavoidable.

Or so they seem. In fact most terrors can be avoided if they are heeded and learned from.

Mister Rand finds this assertion appalling. He is driven by the belief that those who inflicted pain upon him intended him harm. What he does not understand fully yet is that abusers do not really see their victims. They see only themselves. Abusers are always intent upon destroying something in themselves that they believe has caused them pain, and it is this they are attempting to destroy when inflicting abuse upon their victims.

Mister Rand says, “But for practical purposes they are enemies. It is they who hit, or cut, or rape, or destroy, or gas one to death. You are splitting hairs,” he says. Yet we say that it is useful to separate out the personal from the abuse situation. Much of the true harm of the abuse comes from the abused taking the abuse personally; i.e., believing that I have brought the abuse upon myself because of something bad in me that deserves punishment. Is it not rather that the abuser would abuse anyone over which he or she felt he or she had power? Then your victimization is not the result of anything in you good or bad. You are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time from your viewpoint, like a small creature who happens to stray into a roadway just as a tank bears down upon it.

The first clue to recovery from abuse is as we see it: do not take it personally. You are not the cause, no matter what the abuser has told you. You are simply the convenient outlet for passions and frustrations that have nothing really to do with you at all. This is a hard thing to hear, and harder to accept, for as your psychologists have said, a child would rather be abused by a parent than ignored completely. But abusers do not see their victims. They see only themselves.

We will speak further on this.

— Channeled 6 November 2013.

A Message From “The Family”: On the Yearning For Love

homelessmenhuggingMister Rand has been involved of late with much pain concerning loves lost, ignored, feared, or missed.  He wonders whether he will ever find freedom from his inner child’s need to cleave to another and depend upon another totally for his sustenance, a need that has interfered with Mister Rand’s ability to relate to a beloved equal to equal. So he asks, What is it that I am fated for? Am I fated never to find a partner because of my wounds? And we know that many people ask similar questions much of the time.

We cannot provide Mister Rand [with] an answer that will satisfy him emotionally, because from our viewpoint, and the viewpoint of the Greater Self, Mister Rand is surrounded, filled, and made by Love for Itself, just [as] are all beings that exist in physical reality…And from the Greater Self’s point of view, love is never lost. It cannot be lost, because it is the stuff of which realities are constructed. It is reality itself.

But how can this be true? asks Mister Rand. In physical reality there is so much hate and pain. How can Love lie at the heart of all realities when this reality has so much evil in it? And again we say, there is no answer that can satisfy Mister Rand on the heart chakra level. For in part he still cleaves to the notion of God as omnipotent and separate from both Mister Rand and creation itself. And we do not see this as the truth.

As your writer George Macdonald once wrote, God is made of Love in all parts of Himself, and thinks nothing of Himself, but only of how He may woo His Creation back to Himself.  For God does not need anyone to love God. For God, it is enough that you love yourselves, for God does not see the divine nature as separate from you. Love one another and you love God. Love the animals and you love God. Love the trees and you love God. Love those who hate and persecute you, for they are trapped in the endless cycle of force threat and blame which narrows and narrows and narrows their consciousness until the only thing that exists for them is raw unfulfillable need. This state of raw unfulfillable need is what your writers sometimes refer to as Hell, and as Mister Rand knows only too well, one can be in Hell while still on Earth.

But  there is hope. For returning to Love is inevitable. In the end, everyone and everything is safe. Though your corporations destroy this world a thousand times over, it will be reborn. Though your religious individuals quarrel and condemn and are condemned in turn by your nonreligious individuals, beneath all this furor Love is still present. And the way one can know this is true is simply by observing that, when Love is accepted as a foundation for all one’s dealings, all one’s dealings thrive. If Love were illusory, loving others and oneself would not produce happiness and joy. They would produce only hunger for more love. For understand this: the yearning-love of which Mister Rand speaks is not Love in the way we see things.

Yearning-Love is a state of consciousness that arises when one fears to believe that one is worthy of being loved. It is a state of consciousness that arises when one demands that God prove to one that one is lovable by sending one the perfect match. And there is no such creature on Earth or in Heaven except Love itself.

We are sorry that Mister Rand is in pain. We are sorry that he thinks that because he has more flesh on his skeleton than is healthy for him that he is an abomination and desolation; that because he is homosexual God does not want him; that because he did not save his brothers or mother or father or lover or dogs from their illnesses and deaths that he has failed Love. Physical reality is the only reality where pain is available, but its wonders are far more numerous than its pains. One must however be willing and able to see the goodness and love around one, and until one has felt fully one’s force threat and blame wounds, given them a voice, treated them with tenderness and consolation, and cradled them not to cling to them but to parent them as they were never parented, until one is willing to do this, one will feel cut off from the Love that is at the center of oneself and everything else.

And so we encourage all who suffer from unsatisfied longing for love: breathe into your heart and let out the breath slowly. Let yourself relax and soften around the clenched fist within you. Let yourself feel a bit more of the pain you are pushing out of sight, give it a voice, paint its picture, write down what it says to you. And invite Love into it. Try this with yourself for a month, and see how you feel at the end of this time. And we thank you for sharing.

Recorded in trance session, Oct. 14, 2013.

The Wheel of Creation: Strategy

Strategy is a flexible step-by-step plan for getting from where I really am to where I really wish to be.

My strategy must be flexible, because circumstances can change from day to day: some doors open, others close, and I must be alert to opportunities as they arise.

My strategy must be step-by-step, because often I am tempted to cling to a plan that’s not working simply because it’s been elegantly contrived and exhaustively worked out. Knowing when to detach from a treasured plan is one of the big lessons of Strategy Spoke of the Wheel of Creation.

If baffled as to proper strategy to attain a desired goal, it’s often useful to look to the spoke opposite the Strategy Spoke on the Wheel of Creation: the Action Spoke. Rather than do nothing because I’m unsure which strategy to employ, I can look at what actions others are taking to achieve similar goals, and apply one of them—chosen at random, if necessary—to see where it leads me.

Remember: You are not a failure because you make mistakes. You are only a failure if you refuse to learn from your mistakes.

Next: Harmony of Desire & Clarity of Vision