On Fear of the Dark

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I have always been afraid of the dark. When I was a boy in rural Connecticut, I used to lie awake at night, listening to our old house creak around me, watching shadows creep up the walls of my room and across the ceiling. I was afraid to go down into our cellar, where the washer, dryer, and Mother’s canned goods were kept, because there was a back room, seldom lit, that opened on a cavernous passageway so thick with darkness you could see no farther than a few yards into it.

If you have lived all your life in the city, you may not appreciate just how dark rural nights can be. Outdoors, night transformed our friendly open fields and woods into thick dense shadow, particularly when the moon was on the wane. Affable nocturnal cricket-chirp and brightly lathered starshine mitigated my outdoor night-fears somewhat, but I still feared the gaping open mouth of our barn, and watching horror movies on our black-and-white T.V. didn’t help matters. The shows that scared me were ludicrously tame by modern standards: Invaders From Mars, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, the British horror series Way Out, every episode of which ended in maniacal laughter. Nonetheless, afterwards, upstairs in my dark bed, I would clutch my stuffed animals and my mother’s rosary to me as though my life depended upon their protection.

Bathrooms, too, scared me at night, particularly bathrooms with the doors shut. So did bathtubs with the shower curtains drawn.

I know why, of course. In the dark, the familiar turns alien, just as when people the child depends upon for security and solace suddenly and without apparent warning show unexpectedly strange, severe, or malignant sides to their personalities. My alcoholic, emotionally disturbed mother’s sudden personality-shifts, my older brother Manfred’s sudden, sneering, verbal and physical attacks from nowhere, my parents’ unpredictable fights, all these terrors I projected onto the Enemy Out There Somewhere, unforeseeable in the dark.

I am 63 years old now, and I wish I could say I am no longer fearful of shadows. After all, I have spent a good part of my adulthood examining my own shadow material, as the psychologists call it, and I have had moments where visions of Divine Love have made all shadows flee away. But still they return. And one thing I know: I must learn to make friends with the dark if I am to someday face my inevitable death with equanimity. For as much as I preach that death is the doorway into Light, my inner child fears otherwise. And we ignore our inner children to our peril.

— Copyright 2014 Rand B. Lee.

 

 

A Message From “The Family”: On Hope

ImageWhen a child is born into physical reality, from a psychological perspective it has no hope or despair, for it is aware only of the present moment and the universe of itself.  When a child “hopes for” something, it is not hope that one speaks of, but desire: craving, wish, longing, which all humans possess from inception. If it were not so–if the human infant did not feel and communicate its cravings–it might well die before its caregivers, or those around it, noticed it needed anything. The same is true of dogs and cats and other domestic animals. At birth they live in the present, and their internal lives are characterized by desire: for the warmth of the body of the caregiver; for the milk the caregiver provides, or other sustenance; and for the chance to exercise, play, and learn from their environment and peers.

Hope and despair become conscious emotions or experiences when the child reaches the age when its brain is sufficiently developed for it to be aware of the passage of time, and when it is able to distinguish between self and others. This may take place [by] the age of 8 in many cases. This is why little children were able to play even in concentration camps. Fatigue, exhaustion, and terror were all available to them, but not despair as such, although they could become afraid and depressed at the despair of the adults around them.

We mention these things because to understand hope one must understand  that hope, like despair, arise when one achieves the maturity to sense boundaries to gratification and also the possibility of a positive or negative outcome in time. God, for instance, does not hope, because God is outside of time, and is complete in Itself, of Whom It considers you a particle. God knows that Love is Its nature in all parts of Itself, including you; and that on the divine level,  Love is never defeated or denied. Therefore It need have no anxiety about the future or regret about the past. Amor vincit omnia: love conquers all resistance eventually. Eventually, everyone who has turned its back upon Love will be wooed back into Its arms (we speak figuratively of course).

What, then, is hope, and how does one attain and maintain an attitude of hope when one is beleaguered by unpleasant or discouraging circumstances?

On the Wheel of Creation, Mr Rand and Mr Alex’s template for manifestation in physical reality, hope is allied with belief. To increase belief (in positive outcome, in the eventual victory of Love over all resistance to It) one must look across the center of the Wheel, across the hub called Harmony of Desire, to the spoke opposite that of belief: the support spoke. Put simply, if you lack hope, it is because you lack a sense of support for your longed for condition or goal. To increase hope, therefore, it is necessary to increase one’s sense of support.

How does one do this, particularly when one is discouraged or depressed? . . . By seeking out those who share similar beliefs to your own: similar values, similar cultural backgrounds, similar mindsets, similar thought processes, similar interests and experiences. As support grows, so does belief that positive outcome is possible.

A basic principle in physical reality is that it is extremely difficult to find hope without interaction with other sentient beings. In short, it is very very difficult to climb out of despair alone, or in isolation (though not impossible if one has already developed a rich sense of Divine Love and a habit for dialoguing with It). Twelve Step recovery programs work in part because they offer addicted individuals the hope that, if they work the introspective and self-revelatory meditative exercises expressed in the Twelve Steps, and find a sponsor and attend regular meetings with others like themselves, they will find relief from addiction. For it is a fact that despair can become an addiction: a habituated pattern of emotional response to life that is driven not necessarily by present difficulties, dramatic though they may be, but by the brain having become so drenched in force, threat, and blame in the past that it cannot right the chemical imbalances created by such drenching.

WheelofCreationTo lift one’s brain out of despair-drenching, one must begin by accepting that one is trapped in despair with a desire to learn from the experience. Then one must begin asking questions: How did I get into my present situation? What actions or inactions did I perform, and what strategies did I use, to create or fall prey to my present difficulties? By coming to grips with the physical and psychological processes that led to the choices that have led to one’s force-threat-blame experiences, one then must begin inquiring into whether there are deeper forces at work—spiritual, intellectual, or evaluative patterns that are feeding into one’s despair. If one asks and keeps on asking for enlightenment on this issue, one will certainly be rewarded with an answer or answers. And the answer or answers discovered will contain within them clues as to how one may escape from, or work with, the present difficulty that has led one to give up hope.

When light begins to dawn, and one begins to see the reasons physical and spiritual behind one’s difficulties, one must then commit oneself to finding the path of Love through one’s difficulties. How can I learn to love myself given the choices I have made? How can I learn to love my enemies to the extent to which they will allow and without violating myself in the process? Taking these questions to one’s Greater Self, and to one’s support systems (friends, family, doctors, counselors, teachers and so forth), one will eventually come up with a plan of action the sole purpose of which is to find the most direct route to giving myself the solace, information, help and resources [I need] to change [my] difficult circumstance into one that is more life-affirming. For some persons (and some circumstances), science yields clues to the most direct route to harmony. For others, philosophy or religion; and for still others, the taking of practical physical action to find support for the next step in one’s strategy for self-rescue; or a combination of the utilizations of all these tools.

And we thank you for sharing. •

— Channeled 17 January 2014, 5:20pm MT, by Rand Lee. All rights reserved. Edited 23 January 2014.

On Casual Malice

A few days ago an act of casual, impulsive malice on my part caused a possibly irreparable rift between me and a dear, emotionally vulnerable friend. The impulse to hurt this person’s feelings did not come from the Devil; it came from a part of myself that I consistently refuse to acknowledge and give safe voice to, a part of me that some call the Shadow, others the Wounded Child, still others the Beast Within.

ImageAs an abuse and neglect survivor with PTSD, I prefer to think of myself as an abuse victim in recovery, not an abuser. And in general I do not go out of my way to hurt people. But my coping mechanism as a child in an alcoholic incestuous home was to be the Good Boy, which meant shoving under the surface all my unacceptable feelings and thoughts: jealousy of my mother’s preference for my baby brother; rage toward my father for his scary emotional aloofness and abandonment of me to the care of my pedophile mother; loathing of myself for my sensitivity, which my culture termed girlish—and bear in mind that in the gynephobic 1950’s, when I was a child, the worst thing one could say about a boy was that he acted like a girl. So as a child I became a compulsive eater, using sugar to shove my bad feelings down as deep as they would go. Later I became a compulsive self-castigator, criticizing my every thought and move, turning my anger upon myself because I could not feel safe expressing it toward those whom I felt had harmed me.

Needless to say, these tactics did not give me more than transitory relief from the storm inside me. It is a well-known metaphysical principle that if you wish to make a spell or sacred object more powerful, hide it out of sight. This is one of the reasons sacred objects are found buried all over the world, and sacred Paleolithic art, aimed at attracting game to the hunt and fertility to the community, was created in nearly inaccessible caves. Stuffing shadow with food or sex or overwork or gambling or alcohol or heroin or any other numbing substance or activity merely makes that shadow stronger, so that when it resurfaces, it does so with a power impossible to contain completely by an act of will alone.

I’ve done a lot of work with mentors and healers over the years. Through my Twelve Step programs I have opened successive chambers of my heart to Divine Love, and in my art therapy work with the Solace Crisis Intervention Clinic in Santa Fe I have taken major strides toward acknowledging the terror and pain of my inner self. But I can still be blindsided by my shadow, and in the case of my relationship to this dear friend, the unrequited sexual attraction I felt for my friend, my unconscious social and professional competition with my friend, and my growing emotional dependency upon my friend, changed to resentment when—and I am loath to admit this publicly—a series of tragedies in my friend’s family made my friend unavailable to me for much of the summer. So I posted several snarky and suggestive “jokes” on my friend’s webpage, despite the fact that my friend’s family (including a 12 year old niece) would have access to them; and I posted a comment on the webpage of a Meetup group my friend had organized suggesting edits to the website opening page that lessened recognition of my friend’s role as founder in the interest of “helping” the current facilitator of the group to achieve more public recognition (a recognition that worthy has never sought).

ImageIn deep grief and pain over the loss of beloved relatives, my friend—with uncharacteristic verbal and emotional violence—severed relationship with me. My friend had been under so much emotional pressure that finding my posts on the website was too much to bear with equanimity. So I, who hate to think that in me lies the potential to abuse others, have had to face the fact that under the right circumstances, my Shadow can arise and take control, suborning my empathy, muting my memory of shared kindnesses, and unleashing in me my repressed desires for revenge against my childhood caregivers. I have had to face the fact that, while I never intended to devastate my friend, I had intended to punish my friend a little bit for not meeting my infant needs—punish my friend just enough that my friend would pay more attention to me. I underestimated my friend’s emotional alertness and vulnerability.

Did I plan to hurt my friend, as my friend has accused me of doing? No. My posts were action of impulse, and I “forgot” or minimized the possible alienating effects of them as soon as I had made them. Am I responsible for the intensity of my friend’s grief and rage toward me? No. I had underestimated my friend’s vulnerability, and had had no inkling of the possibly far-reaching effects of my actions. But my shots, having been fired, cannot be taken back. They found their target. And the result has been disastrous.

However unintentioned the scope of the wound I have given my friend, and however intermixed with other wounds my friend carries from other betrayals and abuses, I have lost the privilege of our friendship. And I’m sorry. •

A Holiday Meditation From “The Family”

the_giftMillions of cells are born and die within a human body every year. Millions of persons are born and die on planet Earth every century. Millions of worlds are born and die every aeon. None of this matters [more than] when a single creature suffers.

You tend to view things as important because they are big.  Big cars, big bank accounts, big scores on the playing field, big numbers of follows on Facebook, big expectations fulfilled. God does not view reality like this. To God, size is meaningless. God values everything equally.

When you think about this, you feel both glad and outraged. Glad, because you have felt less-than most of your life: less attractive, less successful, less masculine, less accomplished, less spiritual, less devoted, less worthy of life than many other beings. You feel outraged, because how can we say God values everything equally when innocents perish in agony every day?

It is necessary to let go of your expectations that God is a human only. God is not merely a human. God is a cow, a tree, a molecule of carbon. God is a light photon, a galaxy, a quark, a field of dark matter. God is everything that is, was, and ever shall be, and God’s consciousness finds form within you.

Does God suffer when you suffer? Of course, for you are part of God, and God feels what you feel. “Why then does He not intervene to stop my pain?” you cry in your despair. Because you are God’s hands of rescue. Because you are God’s voice of hope. Because you are the light of the world. And so are those around you.

As we see it, God manifests most readily and helpfully in the lives of those who open their hearts to others: other humans, other animals, other ideas, other folkways. God is diversity and unity both. The more diversity you open your heart to, the more you let the God in others into your heart, the more the God in your heart will make itself manifest in your daily life.

No one recovers from addiction, grief, trauma, illness, or pain alone. Complete recovery is only available to an individual if that individual asks for help from the God in others, takes action to seek the God in others and ask it for help. God can show itself in the bored clerk at the pharmacy counter, in the heart-sick police officer with the mask of uncaring, in the haughty politician, and in the violent self-trapped addict, but even more so in the openhearted, the loving, the kind, the caring, and the committed person. The God in everyone and everything works miracles of love every day, but it is you who work them: you, your animals, your plants, your earth, your rain, your solar system, your galaxy, your multiverse. All that is continually expresses the nature of God, which is Love, and takes no thought for itself, but only for its creation, and how it may win that creation back to itself, so that it knows the bliss of conscious recognition of the God within.

You say how can this be? A rock is not a living thing. Rain is not a living thing. How can the nature of a rock be Love? How can the nature of the rain be Light? These things are unaware. They cannot make choices. They cannot initiate action. On one level this is true. But on a deeper level, Love is the force that keeps atoms together and tears them apart. Connection, resistance, melding, expansion, communication are all aspects of Love. Love is resistance? Yes. Love resists forces that wish to negate it. Love resists being turned into what it is not intrinsically.

You are not a meat machine. The universe is not a mindless mechanism. Like the universe, you are an aggregate entity composed of many elements, each of them conscious, each of them possessed of qualities unique to it. And that is what God is, too. That is why many psychics and spiritual people prefer to refer to God as All-That-Is.

rainbow_mosqueYet God does not value the whole more than the parts that make it up. Your bible says that God notes the death of every sparrow, and makes the life giving rain to fall upon those who do good and those who do evil both. God does not play favorites, but God eagerly seeks to manifest itself to the consciousness of every being open to experiencing that manifestation.

During this season of holy days in your culture, consider the possibility that it is not simply your Jesus Christ who is Love and Light expressing itself in flesh. You are, too. Jesus Christ simply illustrates what can happen when one working class man from Israel gives himself entirely over to the divinity lying at the core of him. And there are many other examples as well.

When you gaze upon the holiday lights in the streets, on your television, or in your house, think of all these lights as your brothers and sisters, specks of infinitely precious Love and Light whose natural tendency is to gravitate towards one another. Stop trying to be happy in isolation. Stop trying to heal behind your room’s closed doors. Open the doors wide, and seek out those persons, places, and situations in which the Love and Light most readily are apparent. For by allowing ourselves to be loved, we learn to love in turn; by allowing ourselves to be helped, we help others as well; and by eating the Light we manifest it more brightly.

And we thank you for sharing.

— Channeled 8:14 pm Thursday, December 19, 2013, in Santa Fe, New Mexico. 

A Message From ‘The Family’: On Giving Thanks

ImageGratitude, Mister Rand informs us, is a muscle he has yet to build up hugely. He says that when he hears slogans in his Twelve Step meetings such as, I need an attitude of gratitude, he says with a groan, Another platitude! Why, he asks, does one need an attitude of gratitude? What is an attitude of gratitude, anyway? And why is gratitude—thankfulness, appreciation,  thanksgiving—why are these spiritual disciplines [so important that they are] to be wrestled with until one achieves mastery over them? For that is how Mister Rand thinks of them.

In answer we would say we do not see it in this way.

Consider this, Mister Rand: suppose we were to say to a leaf, Be grateful for the sun, or the sun will stop shining on you. Would you not accuse us of absurdity or villainy or both? Even the mechanist views the sun as a power that shines regardless of the attitudes that any given leaf may bear toward it, if indeed a leaf can have an attitude in the human emotional sense at all. And so we say it is wicked and illogical to suggest that because one is not grateful to God or Goddess or the Universe or the Invisible Sky Friend or the Divine Pizza of Delectability or whatever one wishes to call the source of all life and love at the core of everything and everyone, that that Greater Self or Higher Power or God or Goddess or Divine Spark or deity or immoveable Object-and-Subject requires or weighs or needs or even desires such thanks as a condition of Its willingness to help said one? For we do not see God as required, needing, desiring, or even it occurring to God that HeSheItTheyCoOne might even be missing praise, thanks, gratitude, or love from the Creation, for God by Its very nature is complete within Itself and is entirely Love in all parts of Itself, desiring and thinking of nothing save how It may delight in the beings born from It and help them to fulfill their natures as uniquenesses.

In brief, Mister Rand, an attitude of gratitude is not a proviso you must fulfill before God will bless you. It has nothing to do with getting or not getting, as though one might hold one’s mouth a certain way and Love would flow to one. The attitude of gratitude is the natural result that occurs when one realizes how deeply, greatly, thoroughly, unceasingly, unconditionally, and intelligently the Greater Self loves one already. “Well, then,” says Mister Rand, “I will not bother with gratitude or thanks at all. I will just say, God give me this, God give me that, and to Hell with thanks.” (He wishes us to communicate that he does not really say these things, we are simply using him as an Everyman, as a terrible example of dumbfoolery, in a figurative sense as it were.) And we would reply, Go right ahead. It will not matter to God one jot or tittle. It will not grieve Her one bit, save in that She grieves that you are not large enough in the heart to receive all the blessings that She has for you.

For that is what thankfulness and gratitude enjoinders are at their core meant to convey when issuing forth from a spiritual force or tradition or teaching. They are meant to say, You do not let God do one billionth trillionth quadrillionth of the truthful loving things for you that God wishes to do, and the reason we know this is the case is because you do not feel thankful and grateful. For thankfulness and gratitude do not arise from the belief that having these attitudes will get you more blessings. Nor do they arise from the belief that having these attitudes will keep divine displeasure or punishment away from your door. “Gratitude” so-called is not thankfulness at all; it is flattery, born of fear—born of the consciousness level we call To Be Threatened.

Have you ever turned a corner and suddenly seen someone or something so beautiful, or heard a strain of music so entrancing, or had a thought so crystalline in its perfection, that you were stopped short in your tracks with the joy and wonder of it? Did you pause to say to yourself, “Oh, that is beautiful, entrancing, perfect, and wonderful. I will make myself feel joy and wonder toward it so that it will give me more of itself”? No you do not say this. The joy and wonder that stops [you] short in your tracks springs unbidden from deep within you. It is what one feels when one is shown a glimpse of one’s Divine core nature—one’s Greater Self.

Holy people, saints, boddhisatvas, whatever you wish to call those you deem enlightened or spiritually “advanced”— these persons are characterized by thankfulness and gratitude not because they tried to make themselves feel that way so that their Deity would bless them. They are thankful and grateful because their eyes have been opened to the beauty and wonder and love and light that lie around us all at every given moment. Such beings are in a constant state of delighted surprise. That state of spontaneous delighted surprise is what is meant by “Give thanks to God.”

true_strength_is_nurturing“But I do not feel grateful to God” some may say. “God let me be abused. God lets typhoons destroy villages. God lets people be raped and animals tortured,” and so forth. And these are true and terrible observations to which the only appropriate response is mourning. Of course if one is suffering from such terrible experiences one is not likely to be able to hold on to a vision of the light and love at the core of everything. Of course one is blinded by pain and fear. That is why God, Deity, Mother, Abba, the One is not angry or displeased or disappointed by those who curse HerHimItThemOne in their suffering. For the Greater Self knows that in physical reality and thought reality—where suffering is available as a byproduct of the illusion of separateness that enables beings to feel like individuals, thus granting them the pleasures of unique creativity, of personalness—maintaining a vision of the big picture, of the true nature of reality, is difficult in the extreme when one’s body and mind are lacerated with the effects of Force, Threat, and Blame.

And if the Greater Self, God, Goddess, Sky Cushion knows this it is because It is within you. It is you. It shares your nature as much as you share Its, for the whole is contained within each part, just as each part is contained within the whole. So to Mister Rand we say, do not worry yourself about being grateful or giving thanks all the time. God does not need your praise to feel good about Himself. God is not insecure. God does not possess low self-esteem. God does not require counseling.

God is Love in all parts of Godself, and thinks nothing of Godself but only of God’s creation, and how to turn your attention and your heart and your body back into a harmonious relationship with that Love and Light which It is the summation of and of which you are an expression.

And we thank you for sharing.

Channeled 9:41 pm Thursday 28 November 2013

On Thanking One’s Abusers

wolfloveOn November 15th I gave a talk in Santa Fe on the ten levels of consciousness I’ve been blogging about here for some time now. During the meeting I pointed out that all too often in New Age circles well-meaning people tell abuse sufferers to let go of their pain and forgive their abusers, before the sufferers have been able to even feel and find solace for the extent of their inner wounds. I told the group I felt that this pathologized the very healthy rage abuse survivors feel, a rage that if felt fully and expressed safely can eventually lead one to such a strong sense of self that the effects of one’s abuse soften and become part of one’s inner landscape.

In response to this, one attender shared with us his experience of having forgiven his childhood abuser, and how it freed him from the damage the abuse had done to him as no other therapeutic technique had before then. He said he had spoken directly to his abuser and told him, “I thank you for the abuse, because the lessons I have learned from the experience have been so valuable,” whereupon a weight, he said, had lifted from him. (He would not tell us what abuse had been done to him, only that it had been extremely severe.) He shared this in a genuinely nonjudgmental and loving manner. I thanked the attender for his share and admitted that although I have forgiven my parents, I was not at a place where I could say I was grateful for what my abuse history has taught me, and might never be.

During the guided meditation at the end, which I led, I invited the group to join me in raising ourselves from the consciousness levels of Force, Threat, and Blame to the consciousness levels of Acceptance, Understanding, Giving, and Loving. As usually happens when I lead a meditation, I got a lot out of it myself. On this occasion, the purified essences of my birth parents came to me and showed me their acceptance, love, and regret for what their shadows had done to me while they had been alive. Their love for me shone brilliantly, and I let it in. This is the very first time I have ever felt any such connection to them, and I was flabbergasted by the experience; it came entirely unexpectedly, on a wave of attar of rose (a diluted essence of which I had passed around the room therapeutically).

Today I have been lonely, isolating, and eating compulsively. I napped and dreamed of Blessing, my dead husky: of a ridge where a crowd of people was gathered, all with their backs to me. I moved among them and saw beyond them thick dense woods, and I knew that Blessing was running free in the woods. And I longed for her, and called to her, hoping she would hear me and come back to me. I awoke in a bad sweat. Is this what happens when we let Love in, that it stirs up the next layer of grief sediment in an effort to flush it from our systems? It seems so.

Thank you, housemate Leo Richard, for letting me take care of your big brown dog Horseshoe today. Playing ball with your dog, and hugging him, and giving him pieces of chicken, I felt a connection to Earth and Earth love, and it consoled me. Mother of Wolves have mercy on all of us, your cubs, and bring us safe home to Your den when our time comes. Amen.

A Message From “The Family”: On Living Without Fear

surrender“Fear is the mind-killer” as one of your writers has said. Fear paralyzes. Fear energizes. Fear eats away at reality, shrinking it until there is no room in it left to breathe. Awareness of fear is the first step in learning to overcome fear. Listening to fear, and learning from it, is essential if one is not to be ruled by fear.

Fear comes from a sense of vulnerability, a belief that something essential can be taken away from one by another. Underlying this meme are the assumptions that there is a difference between self and other, and that self and other are opposed. In fact this is not true in most cases. In most cases, the forces that appear arrayed against one are not enemies at all. They are simply obstacles. They do not threaten out of malign intent. They simply exist for their own purposes, which appear to run counter to one’s own.

Consider the career criminal who makes a habit of mugging old ladies. Or the violent police officer on the lookout for a victim. These are forces of nature, mindless, purposeless, driven by chemistry and morphology to seek out and inflict pain upon others. They are Pan in the Tarot deck, physical reality as God: accidental, unavoidable.

Or so they seem. In fact most terrors can be avoided if they are heeded and learned from.

Mister Rand finds this assertion appalling. He is driven by the belief that those who inflicted pain upon him intended him harm. What he does not understand fully yet is that abusers do not really see their victims. They see only themselves. Abusers are always intent upon destroying something in themselves that they believe has caused them pain, and it is this they are attempting to destroy when inflicting abuse upon their victims.

Mister Rand says, “But for practical purposes they are enemies. It is they who hit, or cut, or rape, or destroy, or gas one to death. You are splitting hairs,” he says. Yet we say that it is useful to separate out the personal from the abuse situation. Much of the true harm of the abuse comes from the abused taking the abuse personally; i.e., believing that I have brought the abuse upon myself because of something bad in me that deserves punishment. Is it not rather that the abuser would abuse anyone over which he or she felt he or she had power? Then your victimization is not the result of anything in you good or bad. You are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time from your viewpoint, like a small creature who happens to stray into a roadway just as a tank bears down upon it.

The first clue to recovery from abuse is as we see it: do not take it personally. You are not the cause, no matter what the abuser has told you. You are simply the convenient outlet for passions and frustrations that have nothing really to do with you at all. This is a hard thing to hear, and harder to accept, for as your psychologists have said, a child would rather be abused by a parent than ignored completely. But abusers do not see their victims. They see only themselves.

We will speak further on this.

— Channeled 6 November 2013.

Affirmations

free_at_last

You are safe.

You are worth loving.

You are moving towards greater and greater security and prosperity.

You deserve love and peace and plenty.

Your Higher Power will never forsake you, including after death.

You have the right to say NO to those who ask you for help, love, or attention.

The healthier you get, the stronger and safer you will be.

You will see your loved ones again some day.

You can comfort yourself.

You are safe.

A Message From “The Family”: On Addiction

Shadows.FatherAddiction is the soulbody’s response to a karmic need for absolute reassurance that all is as it should be in physical reality. Addiction is a substitute for awareness of divine love. When one is consuming the addictive substance or engaging in the addictive behavior, one is pursuing an old, familiar path leading to a comfortable desired exciting end; yet addiction never provides satiation except temporarily. There is always a Fall after Paradise. And yet, for the brief duration of the high, addiction provides an altered state similar to that which is experienced by saints in trance of divine love.

Mister Rand thinks that his addiction is to compulsive overeating. This is in fact the case to some extent. He came into physical reality to create an amalgamation of his spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical experiences, to find unity amongst them and to communicate this unity in his writing and speaking and intuitive counseling. Yet his yearning for to dissolve back into the Plane of Light and Sound is so great that he also required a powerful tether to physical reality in order to complete his purpose here. Addiction to food provides this.

He has, like many compulsive eaters, suffered from starvation in other incarnations. His body has wasted away in Calicut or Calcutta,  he has clawed for purchase on the walls of a concentration camp oven, he has drowned, he has roamed the countryside hiding from the Black Death, he has stolen food in the Renaissance, he has cooked great elaborate meals for masters that he has not been permitted to eat himself. And so he permits himself pleasure without restraint. Of course he also pays a price for this, which is a shortened and less fulfilling life.

While after a binge he may feel himself hopeless, all is never lost forever. As he lets love in, his addiction will retreat. As he lets his body enjoy itself in water therapy at the gymnasium, he will stimulate biological processes that help regularize his body sugars to provide more ready assimilation of sugars and nutriments from the foods he eats, thus reducing cravings. He is at root a runner, with a runner’s metabolism, burdened with an addict’s lethargy.

And we thank you for sharing.

— Channeled 1 November 2013

A Message From “The Family”: On the Yearning For Love

homelessmenhuggingMister Rand has been involved of late with much pain concerning loves lost, ignored, feared, or missed.  He wonders whether he will ever find freedom from his inner child’s need to cleave to another and depend upon another totally for his sustenance, a need that has interfered with Mister Rand’s ability to relate to a beloved equal to equal. So he asks, What is it that I am fated for? Am I fated never to find a partner because of my wounds? And we know that many people ask similar questions much of the time.

We cannot provide Mister Rand [with] an answer that will satisfy him emotionally, because from our viewpoint, and the viewpoint of the Greater Self, Mister Rand is surrounded, filled, and made by Love for Itself, just [as] are all beings that exist in physical reality…And from the Greater Self’s point of view, love is never lost. It cannot be lost, because it is the stuff of which realities are constructed. It is reality itself.

But how can this be true? asks Mister Rand. In physical reality there is so much hate and pain. How can Love lie at the heart of all realities when this reality has so much evil in it? And again we say, there is no answer that can satisfy Mister Rand on the heart chakra level. For in part he still cleaves to the notion of God as omnipotent and separate from both Mister Rand and creation itself. And we do not see this as the truth.

As your writer George Macdonald once wrote, God is made of Love in all parts of Himself, and thinks nothing of Himself, but only of how He may woo His Creation back to Himself.  For God does not need anyone to love God. For God, it is enough that you love yourselves, for God does not see the divine nature as separate from you. Love one another and you love God. Love the animals and you love God. Love the trees and you love God. Love those who hate and persecute you, for they are trapped in the endless cycle of force threat and blame which narrows and narrows and narrows their consciousness until the only thing that exists for them is raw unfulfillable need. This state of raw unfulfillable need is what your writers sometimes refer to as Hell, and as Mister Rand knows only too well, one can be in Hell while still on Earth.

But  there is hope. For returning to Love is inevitable. In the end, everyone and everything is safe. Though your corporations destroy this world a thousand times over, it will be reborn. Though your religious individuals quarrel and condemn and are condemned in turn by your nonreligious individuals, beneath all this furor Love is still present. And the way one can know this is true is simply by observing that, when Love is accepted as a foundation for all one’s dealings, all one’s dealings thrive. If Love were illusory, loving others and oneself would not produce happiness and joy. They would produce only hunger for more love. For understand this: the yearning-love of which Mister Rand speaks is not Love in the way we see things.

Yearning-Love is a state of consciousness that arises when one fears to believe that one is worthy of being loved. It is a state of consciousness that arises when one demands that God prove to one that one is lovable by sending one the perfect match. And there is no such creature on Earth or in Heaven except Love itself.

We are sorry that Mister Rand is in pain. We are sorry that he thinks that because he has more flesh on his skeleton than is healthy for him that he is an abomination and desolation; that because he is homosexual God does not want him; that because he did not save his brothers or mother or father or lover or dogs from their illnesses and deaths that he has failed Love. Physical reality is the only reality where pain is available, but its wonders are far more numerous than its pains. One must however be willing and able to see the goodness and love around one, and until one has felt fully one’s force threat and blame wounds, given them a voice, treated them with tenderness and consolation, and cradled them not to cling to them but to parent them as they were never parented, until one is willing to do this, one will feel cut off from the Love that is at the center of oneself and everything else.

And so we encourage all who suffer from unsatisfied longing for love: breathe into your heart and let out the breath slowly. Let yourself relax and soften around the clenched fist within you. Let yourself feel a bit more of the pain you are pushing out of sight, give it a voice, paint its picture, write down what it says to you. And invite Love into it. Try this with yourself for a month, and see how you feel at the end of this time. And we thank you for sharing.

Recorded in trance session, Oct. 14, 2013.